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Writing Samples
Band 9

Environmental protection is the responsibility of politicians, not individual people, because individuals can make little difference. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
It is frequently argued that protecting the planet is a task for governments alone, since one household's efforts seem insignificant beside the emissions of an entire industry.
While
Linking Words
 I accept that politicians hold the most powerful tools, I largely disagree with
this
Linking Words
 view, because ordinary citizens shape both the market and the political will on which every environmental law depends.
Body paragraph 1
Admittedly, the state can achieve what no private citizen can. Only lawmakers can tax carbon, ban harmful chemicals or compel factories to clean their waste, and
such
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 measures change behaviour across a whole economy at once. Morocco's vast solar complex near Ouarzazate,
for instance
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, was possible only because the government committed public funds and land on a scale beyond any community's reach. Closely linked to
this
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 is the matter of enforcement. A recycling campaign means little if nobody inspects the factories upstream, and inspection is a job for the authorities rather than volunteers.
Body paragraph 2
Nevertheless
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, the claim that ordinary people make little difference misunderstands how change actually happens. The most obvious point is that consumers decide what companies produce. When households in Casablanca began refusing plastic bags at the market, shops quickly switched to cloth alternatives, and the national ban that followed simply confirmed a shift that customers had already started.
Moreover
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, politicians act on environmental issues largely because voters demand it. No minister introduces an unpopular green tax unless the public has first shown that it cares, so the pressure of millions of concerned citizens is what turns good intentions into legislation. The two roles are
therefore
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 inseparable. Governments supply the laws, but people supply the reasons for them.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
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 politicians command the strongest instruments for protecting the planet, those instruments are used only when ordinary people demand it and change their own habits first. Responsibility for the environment is shared, and neither side can succeed without the other.

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task response
Your view is clear from the start: the state has more power, but people also matter. You answer all parts of the question and keep this view to the end.
task response
The main ideas are well explained. The part about laws, taxes, and checks shows why the state is important. The part about buyers and voters shows why people can cause change.
task response
Your examples fit your ideas well. To make the work even stronger, be careful that each example is fully true and easy to check. A more general example can also work well.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a very clear shape: opening, one side, the other side, and a closing. Each paragraph has one main job, so it is easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Links such as “Admittedly”, “Nevertheless”, “Moreover”, and “In conclusion” guide the reader well. Keep using these words, but do not add too many in one paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
The last line in the second body paragraph is strong because it brings both sides together. You could make this link even smoother by saying earlier that the two sides must work together.
task response
You give a clear, balanced answer rather than only saying one side is right. This is a strong way to deal with the question.
task response
The ideas about public action and private action are both useful and closely tied to the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Each paragraph starts with a clear main point and then gives reasons or an example.
coherence and cohesion
The opening and closing match well. The final paragraph restates your main view in a direct way.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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