Some people believe that advertising has a negative effect on people's values and encourages a materialistic society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
Promotional messages now reach us on every screen, street corner and radio station, from the moment we wake until we sleep.
While
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some regard commercials as harmless information that helps consumers choose, I largely agree that advertising shapes our values for the worse, because it teaches people to measure happiness by possessions and quietly rewrites what they consider normal.
Body paragraph 1
Admittedly, marketing serves a useful purpose in a modern economy. Without it, consumers would struggle to learn about new products, and small businesses would have no way to compete with established names. A family-run olive oil producer in Meknes,
for instance
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, can now reach customers across the country through a short online video that costs almost nothing to make. Closely linked to
this
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is the funding that commercials provide. Newspapers, football broadcasts and free mobile applications all survive on advertising revenue, so banning it would make many services expensive or unavailable.
Body paragraph 2
Nevertheless
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, the stronger effect of
this
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constant persuasion is far from neutral. The most serious harm is that adverts link ordinary goods to emotions they cannot deliver, so that a phone promises friendship and a car promises respect. Because these messages repeat thousands of times a year, people gradually come to believe that buying is the route to a better life, and
consequently
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, they spend beyond their means chasing a satisfaction that never arrives.
Moreover
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, commercials redefine what is normal, particularly for the young. Teenagers in Casablanca,
for example
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, increasingly judge one another by the brands they wear, and those who cannot afford them feel excluded from their own classrooms.
As a result
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, a society that once valued generosity and community begins to value display.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
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marketing informs consumers and finances free services, it steadily replaces lasting values with a hunger for possessions. On balance, its influence on how people judge themselves and others is harmful, and it deserves far stricter limits than it currently faces.

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task response
Your view is very clear from the start, and you keep this view to the end. To make it even more full, you could say more about why some ads do not have this bad effect, such as ads for health, safety, or local work.
task response
Your main ideas are well explained: ads can make people want more things, and they can change what people see as normal. Keep using clear cause-and-effect links like this.
task response
Your examples are useful and fit your ideas well. The olive oil example shows the good side of ads, while the school example shows the harm to young people. You could add one short real-life detail to make each example feel even more true.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a very clear path: it starts with your view, shows the other side, gives your main reasons, and ends with a strong final view. This makes it easy to read.
coherence and cohesion
Your paragraphs each have one clear job. The first main paragraph explains the good side, and the next one explains why you still do not agree. Keep this strong paragraph plan.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words well, such as “Admittedly”, “Nevertheless”, “Moreover”, and “As a result”. To avoid using too many links, sometimes join ideas with simple words like “so”, “but”, or “because” instead.
task response
You answer the full question and give a clear, strong view: you mostly agree that ads can harm people’s values.
task response
The ideas are deep but easy to follow. You explain how ads can link things with love, respect, or happiness, and how this can lead to too much buying.
coherence and cohesion
The opening is strong and tells the reader what the essay will discuss.
coherence and cohesion
The final paragraph brings the main ideas together and clearly restates your view.
coherence and cohesion
The move from the good side of ads to the bad side is smooth and clear.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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