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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think parents are responsible for transporting their children to school. Others think it is the government's responsibility. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Introduction
As society evolves, there has been an ongoing debate regarding whether
parents
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 or the government should be responsible for transporting
children
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 to
school
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. A group of individuals believes that families are obligated to take their
children
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 to
school
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.
Conversely
Linking Words
, others argue that providing
school
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 transportation is the authorities' responsibility.
Therefore
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, ahead of my opinion, both views will be discussed
further
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.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand,
parents
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 should be responsible for taking their
children
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 to
school
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 because young
children
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 may not be mature enough to travel independently. By accompanying them,
parents
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 can protect them from potential road hazards and ensure that they arrive safely.
In addition
Linking Words
, taking
children
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 to
school
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 is part of parental responsibility, particularly when their youngsters are still at primary
school
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 age.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, the government should play a major role in providing
school
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 transportation because not all families have the time or financial resources to take their youngsters to
school
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 every day. By operating affordable
school
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 bus services, authorities can ensure that students from different backgrounds have equal access to education.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
school
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 buses can reduce the number of private vehicles on the road, helping to ease traffic congestion and lower air pollution.
Conclusion
In conclusion, there are various perspectives and arguments regarding the duty between family members and
state
Add an article
the state
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 to
school
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.
However
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,
while
Linking Words
parents
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 play a crucial role in progress and protect minors, policymakers
also
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 play an essential role in the safety and personal growth of young people.

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task response
You discuss both sides clearly, but your own view is not clear enough. State it in the first paragraph and repeat it clearly at the end. For example, say that the government should provide buses, while parents should help when they can.
task response
Give one short real-life example for each main idea. For example, a low-cost school bus can help a parent who starts work early. This will make your ideas more full and clear.
task response
Explain your main point a little more. In the first body paragraph, say why parents may know the safest way or best time for their child to travel.
coherence and cohesion
Your four-paragraph plan is clear: start, two sides, and end. Keep this plan.
coherence and cohesion
Make the last paragraph more direct. The phrase "the duty between family members and state to school" is not clear. Use simple words, such as: "In my view, the government should provide safe school buses, but parents should still care for their children’s daily travel."
coherence and cohesion
Use links between ideas with care. "Therefore, ahead of my opinion" does not sound natural. Try: "This essay will discuss both views before giving my opinion."
coherence and cohesion
Some ideas in the end do not match the main points. You write about "personal growth," but the essay is mainly about travel, safety, cost, traffic, and air. Keep the end focused on these ideas.
task response
You cover both views: parents can keep young children safe, and the government can help all families reach school.
task response
Your points about low-cost buses, less traffic, and cleaner air are useful and on topic.
coherence and cohesion
Each body paragraph has one clear main idea, and the order of ideas is easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
You use simple linking words well, such as "On the one hand," "On the other hand," "In addition," and "Moreover."
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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