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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that we cannot learn anything from the past for our life today, while others believe that history is a valuable source of information to understand Humans life. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

4.5 / 9
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Introduction
Over the years, human beings have evolved and learned
for
Change preposition
from
show examples
 their
ancesters
Correct your spelling
ancestors
. Some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that learning from human
history
Use synonyms
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 played an important role,
while
Linking Words
 others think
history
Use synonyms
 is a waste of time. In my personal
opinnion
Correct your spelling
opinion
, I
aggred
Wrong verb form
agree
show examples
 with
recognised
Replace the word
the recognition of
 the important role of
history
Use synonyms
 in
humans
Correct word choice
human
show examples
 evolution.
Body paragraph 1
The importance of
history
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are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 related
with
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to
show examples
 identity
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 and development. The former can not only highlight
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people
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people's
show examples
 differences but
also
Linking Words
 their mindset.
For example
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,
people
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 from South America have the same language but different
custom
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customs
show examples
, because these countries were
conquest
Wrong verb form
conquered
show examples
 by Spain.
However
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, someone
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 did not know about
this
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 part of their
history
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 might think they have the same background.
Secondly
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,
industrial
Add an article
the industrial
show examples
 world
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 been constructed based on previous inventions.
For example
Linking Words
, the first car was the base of its modernising versions, and
although
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 they are good enough, car developer's keeps creating new advances.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, if
people
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 do not consider their past, it would repeat the same mistakes.
For instance
Linking Words
, the
knowlaged
Correct your spelling
knowledge
 of the war consequences is one of the biggest warnings. Nowadays,
people
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 avoid international and national
confflicts
Correct your spelling
conflicts
 because they understand how it can negative impact
in
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on
show examples
 their society; because of that population
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 learned that dialogue is a better way to solve problems.
Conclusion
To summarise,
although
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 some
people
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 believe that
history
Use synonyms
 does not influence human life,
It
Fix capitalization
it
show examples
 is recognised that it has played an important role in human society, through defining
Use synonyms
people
Check wording
people's
show examples
 identity,
as well as
Linking Words
 improving industrial development, and learning
for
Change preposition
from
show examples
 previous mistakes.
Also
Linking Words
, it is suggested that
history
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campaings
Correct your spelling
campaigns
 can be promoted by the government to improve their impact in the wider society.

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task response
Discuss both sides more fully. The essay explains why history is useful, but it does not clearly explain why some people think history is a waste of time. Add one full paragraph about this view, such as the idea that old events may not fit modern life or that people need more time for present problems.
task response
Make your own view clear in the introduction and keep it the same in the body. You say history is important, and your main points support this well.
task response
Develop each main idea with a clear link to the question. For example, after the car example, explain how this shows that past knowledge helps people make better things today.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clearer four-part plan: introduction, one paragraph for the view that history is not useful, one paragraph for the view that it is useful and your opinion, then a short conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body paragraph with one clear main sentence. This will help the reader follow your ideas. For example: “Some people feel that history has little use in modern life.”
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words carefully. “On the other hand” should introduce the other view, but your paragraph after it gives another reason why history is useful. Move this paragraph before “On the other hand”, or change the link.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid adding a new idea at the end. The point about government history work is not developed, so it makes the conclusion less focused.
task response
Your opinion is clear: you believe history is important for people today.
task response
You use useful examples about South America, cars, and war. These help make your ideas real.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, so the reader can see the main shape of your answer.
coherence and cohesion
You use some helpful links, such as “For example”, “Secondly”, and “To summarise”.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • valuable source of information
  • human behavior
  • governance
  • social structures
  • cultural heritage
  • historical awareness
  • modern society
  • technological advancements
  • medical advancements
  • economic patterns
  • financial decisions
  • historical conflicts
  • contemporary situations
  • rapid technological changes
  • relevant
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