IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The ınternet has changed the way we communicate. Much communication today happens through social media. Some people support this and think it is a positive development. Others believe that social media have negative effects. Discuss both this views and give your opinion.

4.5 / 9
Band scoreView breakdown ↓
✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
Over the years,
communication
Use synonyms
 has played an important role in the wider society, and it
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 changed with it. Currently, some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that social
media
Use synonyms
 is a
communication
Use synonyms
 tool that has
beneficied
Correct your spelling
benefited
 human beings.
However
Linking Words
, another group think
this
Linking Words
 tool has a negative influence
in the
Change preposition
on
show examples
 society. In my personal opinion, the advantages of social
media
Use synonyms
 are higher than its disadvantages.
Body paragraph 1
The main advantages of social
media
Use synonyms
 are shorter
communication
Use synonyms
 distance
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 and the opportunity to be global up to date.
Firstly
Linking Words
, social
media
Use synonyms
 has reduced the barrier between
people
Use synonyms
,
Add a semicolon
;
show examples
this
Linking Words
 means that an individual can hang out with another person without being in the same place.
For example
Linking Words
, a family that
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 one of their sons in another country, they can instantaneously talk with him through
facetime
Capitalize the proper name
FaceTime
show examples
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, some organisations,
such
Linking Words
 as news and
magazines
Punctuation problem
magazines,
show examples
 have created their own digital platform, and they
also
Linking Words
 use social
media
Use synonyms
 to promote it. An example of
this
Linking Words
 is the BBC, which constantly
post
Correct subject-verb agreement
posts
show examples
 the
lastest
Correct your spelling
latest
 global events
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 Facebook.
Hence
Linking Words
, it is becoming more popular to read news
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 social platforms.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the main risk of social
media
Use synonyms
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 its incorrect usage, and
lack
Add an article
a lack
show examples
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 face-to-face social skills. Unfortunately, criminals use social
media
Use synonyms
 to
threat
Replace the word
threaten
 and cheat
people
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
,
an
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 naive child can easily give his personal details to another person, and
this
Linking Words
 criminal can take
adventage
Correct your spelling
advantage
 of that
a
Change preposition
to
show examples
 scam
its
Fix the agreement mistake
his
show examples
 parents. For that reason, social
media
Use synonyms
 needs to be used with care. Another negative effect is that social
media
Use synonyms
 is designed to
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
 most time
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
there.
For example
Linking Words
, when a teenager is growing up, he needs to socialise with other
people
Use synonyms
 face-to-face, aiming to improve
it
Correct pronoun usage
his
show examples
 social skills.
However
Linking Words
, he mostly
prefer
Correct subject-verb agreement
prefers
show examples
 to stay
chating
Correct your spelling
chatting
.
Conclusion
To summarise,
although
Linking Words
 the negative effects
such
Linking Words
 as incorrect usage, and lack
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 social skills, in my
oppinion
Correct your spelling
opinion
, the
beneficts
Correct your spelling
benefits
 of social
media
Use synonyms
 like shorter
communication
Use synonyms
 distance and being up
today of
Change preposition
to date with
show examples
 global changes are more relevant.
In addition
Linking Words
, schools and parents should protect and prevent their children
to be
Change preposition
from being
show examples
 affected by social
media
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
You discuss both sides and give a clear view. Make each main idea more full. For example, explain more clearly how social media can help people stay close, and why this is more important than its bad effects.
task response
Some examples are useful, such as a family member in another country and news from the BBC. However, the crime example is not clear. Say that a child may share private facts, and a criminal may use them to take money from the child’s family.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part shape: start, good side, bad side, and end. This makes it easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Put one main idea in each paragraph and link it more clearly. In the first body paragraph, explain the first good point fully before moving to news. Do the same in the second body paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. Words such as “Firstly”, “Secondly”, “For example”, and “On the other hand” are helpful, but do not add a comma after every short phrase. Keep links natural.
coherence and cohesion
Make the last paragraph shorter and clearer. Repeat your view in one direct sentence, then give one final idea about what parents and schools can do.
task response
You answer all parts of the question: you show good and bad effects, and you clearly say that the good effects are stronger.
task response
Your points are on topic: staying in touch, getting news, crime, and less face-to-face time all fit the question.
coherence and cohesion
The order of ideas is clear. The reader can see where you move from the good side to the bad side.
coherence and cohesion
You use examples to help the reader understand your points, especially the example of a family using FaceTime.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Digital era
  • Global village
  • Networks
  • Online platforms
  • Social media
  • Virtual communities
  • Information dissemination
  • Real-time communication
  • Cyberbullying
  • Digital literacy
  • Online harassment
  • Privacy concerns
  • Digital footprint
  • Social networking
  • Echo chambers
  • Hashtag activism
  • User-generated content
  • Screen time
  • Mental well-being
  • Face-to-face interaction
What to do next:
Look at other essays: