IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8.5

In many countries, the gap between rich and poor is growing wider. What problems does this cause, and what measures could be taken to address them?

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Introduction
In cities across the world, luxury apartments now rise within sight of neighbourhoods where families struggle to afford bread.
This
Linking Words
 essay will argue that widening inequality damages both social trust and economic growth, and that it can be narrowed through fairer taxation combined with genuine investment in public education.
Body paragraph 1
The most serious problem that inequality creates is the erosion of trust between citizens. When a small elite lives in a world of private schools, private hospitals and gated compounds, it stops sharing the concerns of everyone else, and those left behind come to feel that effort no longer matters. In Casablanca,
for instance
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, resentment towards the wealthy districts of Anfa is visible in every election, and,
consequently
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, political debate has grown angrier and less productive. Closely linked to
this
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 is the damage to the economy itself. Talented children from poor families cannot afford the training that would let them contribute, so a nation wastes much of its potential,
while
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 the rich spend their surplus on property abroad rather than on local businesses.
Body paragraph 2
Nevertheless
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, these problems can be reduced if governments act with determination. The most effective measure is a tax system in which the wealthy pay a genuinely higher share, with the revenue directed towards hospitals, housing and transport that serve everyone. Morocco's recent increase in the minimum wage,
for example
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, lifted thousands of families above the poverty line without harming employment.
Moreover
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, free and high-quality education is the surest route out of poverty, since a child who leaves school with real skills can earn a decent living regardless of the family she was born into.
As a result
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, investment in teachers and classrooms pays for itself within a generation.
Conclusion
In conclusion, a widening gap between the rich and the poor breeds distrust and wastes human talent.
However
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, progressive taxation and strong public schools can narrow it, and both are within the reach of any government willing to try.

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task response
You answer both parts of the question well. To make the ideas even stronger, show more clearly how each step can be put in place. For example, say how tax money will reach poor areas and how schools will help children get work.
task response
Your examples fit the main ideas, but one example is not a close match. The point is about higher tax, while the Morocco example is about pay. Use an example about tax money going to homes, health care, or schools instead.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear plan: the first main part gives problems, the next gives ways to help, and the end sums up the main points. Keep this strong shape in future essays.
coherence and cohesion
The links between ideas are clear, with words such as 'for instance', 'moreover', and 'as a result'. You can make some links more direct by saying exactly why one idea leads to the next, rather than only using a link word.
coherence and cohesion
Some long sentences hold many ideas. Break a few of them into two shorter sentences so the main point is easier to follow, especially in the first main part.
task response
You give clear problems: less trust between people and lost skill from poor children who cannot get training. You also give clear ways to help: fair tax and good public schools.
task response
Your main ideas are explained, not just named. For example, you show how poor children may lose the chance to learn skills and get good work.
coherence and cohesion
The opening tells the reader what the essay will say, and the final part brings the answer together in a clear way.
coherence and cohesion
Each main part stays on one clear subject, and the order of ideas is easy to follow.
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