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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people suggest that children do not understand the world of work and school should make al teenagers spend a short time working as well as studying academic subjects. To what extend do you agree?

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Introduction
Nowadays,
teenagers
Use synonyms
 are increasingly interested in working from an early age to gain a better understanding of the working world. People suggest that the best and safest way to do
this
Linking Words
 is for
schools
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 to make them
work
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 for a short time along
their
Change preposition
with their
show examples
 studies
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 I totally agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement.
Body paragraph 1
Firstly
Linking Words
, the teenage years are an ideal time to learn how to balance
work
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 and studies. The time when children have an intense desire to earn their own money
and
Verb problem
is
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 clearly
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 the perfect opportunity for
schools
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 to provide them with
this
Linking Words
 opportunity.
Body paragraph 2
Secondly
Linking Words
, allowing
teenagers
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 to
work
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 in a safe environment selected by their
schools
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 would help them understand the realities and challenges of working life. Transitioning from school to an office, it is not as easy as it may look
,
Add a semicolon
;
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 there are a lot of steps that they must climb to get there.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
implementing
this
Linking Words
 program in
schools
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 is a great beginning for children.
Body paragraph 3
Moreover
Linking Words
, early
work
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 experience would help
teenagers
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 adapt more easily to professional life as adults. They will be prepared on how to write a CV, how to present themselves at an interview and what it is like to
work
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 with a team.
Conclusion
To conclude
Linking Words
, introducing
work
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 experience during the school years would provide
teenagers
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 with practical skills and valuable lessons that could benefit them throughout their lives.

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task response
Make your main view more exact. Say that you agree, but explain if all teens should work or if this should be for a short time only.
task response
Develop each main point more. For example, explain what kind of work schools can give, how many hours students can work, and why this will not hurt study time.
task response
Add one clear real-life example. For instance, a student could spend one week helping in a shop, an office, or a care home and then learn how staff work as a team.
task response
Your first body point repeats the idea of earning money. Also explain other gains, such as learning time plans, work rules, and how to speak to adults at work.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, three main paragraphs, and an end. Keep this plan, but make the first body paragraph a full point with a clear reason and more detail.
coherence and cohesion
Use links more carefully. In the sentence starting with “Transitioning from school to an office”, the two parts are joined by a comma only. Make this into two sentences or use a linking word such as “because” or “so”.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid very short sentence parts. For example, “The time when children have...” is not a full sentence. Write: “This is a time when many children want to earn their own money.”
coherence and cohesion
Check grammar in key sentences. Write “alongside their studies”, “a safe environment selected by schools”, and “implementing this program in schools would be a good start”.
task response
You answer the question directly and keep the same clear view from the start to the end.
task response
Your ideas about safe work, job skills, CVs, interviews, and team work are all useful and linked to the topic.
coherence and cohesion
The order of ideas is easy to follow: reason, work life, adult life, then a short final summary.
coherence and cohesion
The opening and final paragraph work well together and give the essay a clear shape.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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