Some people suggest that bringing up children by thw whole family includimg uncles, aunts and grandparents is better, rather than only by parents. To what extend are you agree or disagree?

4.5 / 9

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Introduction

It is

been

Wrong verb form

apply

show examples

advised that

upbringing

Add an article

the upbringing

show examples

of the

child

Use synonyms

should be done with the help of elders and other family members

including

Punctuation problem

, including

show examples

uncles and aunts

rather

Punctuation problem

, rather

show examples

than only by

parents

Use synonyms

. I totally agree

Change preposition

with

show examples

this

Linking Words

viewpoint

and

Punctuation problem

, and

show examples

reasons

Add an article

the reasons

show examples

for

this

Linking Words

will be explained in

upcoming

Add an article

the upcoming

show examples

paragraphs.

Body paragraph 1

To commence with, taking responsibility

Change preposition

for

show examples

the

child

Use synonyms

family

Add an article

the family

show examples

can help

parents

Use synonyms

hold

Verb problem

bear

show examples

less burden.

As, nowadays

Correct word choice

Nowadays

show examples

, both

parents

Use synonyms

are working for their family

Punctuation problem

, so

show examples

it is hard for them to take care of their kid by themselves.

However

Linking Words

, if grandparents help them,

parents

Use synonyms

can take care of their health and utilise their time for other tasks.

For example

Linking Words

, most of the

parents

Use synonyms

prefer to stay with their family as it helps them to distribute tasks among

other

Replace the word

others

rather than only on one person.

Hence

Linking Words

, bringing up children will not be felt as

burden

Add an article

a burden

show examples

parents

Use synonyms

Body paragraph 2

In addition

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

, if a

child

Use synonyms

grown up

Verb problem

raised

show examples

by the whole family, it passes various ethics and values.

This

Linking Words

also

Linking Words

helps to brush up the personality of the baby as he will not only learn to respect elders but

also

Linking Words

follows

Wrong verb form

show examples

traditions by following his elders.

For instance

Linking Words

, in early years, individuals used to live in joint families and celebrate their festivals and traditions with all rituals

which

Punctuation problem

, which

show examples

were passed to their next generation.

Whereas

Linking Words

, in today's era, as people are living in

nuclear

Add an article

a nuclear

show examples

family, it is very challenging to keep youngsters

attach

Wrong verb form

attached

show examples

to their roots.

Consequently

Linking Words

, upbringing with the family can pass religious values to the

child

Use synonyms

Conclusion

In a nutshell, taking care of babies

bring

Correct subject-verb agreement

brings

show examples

various challenges for

parents

Use synonyms

as it needs personal attention

but

Punctuation problem

, but

show examples

this

Linking Words

could be overcome with the contribution of

whole

Add an article

the whole

show examples

family.

jandmuskan

Oct 19, 2026

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task response

Your view is clear: you agree that the whole family should help raise children. To make your answer stronger, explain why this is better for the child, not only easier for parents. For example, say how time with grandparents can give love, care, and life lessons.

task response

Your two main ideas are useful: parents get help, and children learn values. Add one more clear detail to each idea. In the first body part, explain what parents can do with the extra time. In the second, explain how family values help a child in daily life.

task response

Your examples fit the ideas, but they are quite general. Use one short, clear example, such as grandparents telling family stories, helping with school work, or teaching children how to care for others.

coherence and cohesion

The essay has a clear order: an opening, two main parts, and an ending. Keep this order, but make the link between each sentence clearer. Use simple links such as “This means that”, “As a result”, and “For this reason”.

coherence and cohesion

Start each body part with one direct main idea. Then give an explanation and an example. Do not move from parents’ free time to health and other tasks too quickly; explain the link step by step.

coherence and cohesion

Some phrases are not clear, such as “it passes various ethics and values” and “it helps to brush up the personality”. Use direct words: “children learn good values” and “children become more polite and caring”.

coherence and cohesion

Your ending repeats the idea of help for parents. It would be better if it also repeated the main point about children learning from many family members.

task response

You answer the question directly and keep the same clear view from the opening to the ending.

task response

The ideas about help for working parents and learning family values are relevant to the topic.

coherence and cohesion

The essay is easy to follow because it has separate parts for each main idea.

coherence and cohesion

You use linking words such as “For example”, “In addition to this”, and “Consequently” to show how your ideas connect.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
23
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

282 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

extended family
child-rearing
diverse experiences
harmonious family environment
sense of belonging
emotional support
wisdom and guidance
multicultural societies
heritage and traditions
conflicts and confusion

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Some people suggest that bringing up children by thw whole family includimg uncles, aunts and grandparents is better, rather than only by parents. To what extend are you agree or disagree?

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