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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some students work while studying. This often results in lacking time for education and constantly feeling under pressure. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?

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Introduction
It is generally acknowledged that some
students
Use synonyms
 might have economic difficulties
due to
Linking Words
 their family or personal
suitation
Correct your spelling
situation
. Some of them might not suffer from the above issues, but
them
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 will choose to
work
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 studying because
them
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 want to broaden their horizons.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 often results in
lacking
Replace the word
a lack of
time
Use synonyms
 for education and
continously
Correct your spelling
continuously
 feeling under pressure.
Body paragraph 1
First and foremost, financial burden is the most basic factor of
this
Linking Words
 issue. Many
students
Use synonyms
, especially those from low-income families, are forced to
work
Use synonyms
tocover
Correct your spelling
to cover
 the high university fee, rent and
dailu
Correct your spelling
daily
 necessities. The escalating cost of living
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
 to heavy pressure
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 those
students
Use synonyms
They
Punctuation problem
. They
show examples
 spend
hous on
Correct your spelling
hours
 earning a living.
Therefore
Linking Words
, eating into their
study
Use synonyms
time
Use synonyms
. Both
stress
Add an article
the stress
show examples
 of
economy
Add an article
the economy
show examples
 and education they face lead to dual pressure. They will constantly
feeling
Wrong verb form
feel
show examples
 a
lots
Check wording
lot
show examples
 of stress
of
Change preposition
from
show examples
 handling both things at the same
time
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 2
Additionally
Linking Words
, lacking the ability
of
Correct word order
to manage time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 management is
an
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 crucial reason.
Students
Use synonyms
 in universities have busy and tight
schedule
Check wording
schedules
show examples
. They might have lectures from 8:30am to 9:30pm or even need to enter classes
at the
Change preposition
at
show examples
 weekends.
during
Change preposition
At
show examples
 the end of the semester, they have a multitude of assessments, presentations and essays which they have to
due
Use the right word
do
show examples
 with. If they want to manage
study
Use synonyms
 and
work
Use synonyms
 properly, they have to strike a balance between them. Regrettably, most of these
students
Use synonyms
 fail to manage their
time
Use synonyms
 well. They might overlook the urgency of the
study
Use synonyms
 and become a deadline
figher
Correct your spelling
fighter
. Those
students
Use synonyms
 focus too much on their own job and want to earn more money, but eventually
try
Wrong verb form
, trying
show examples
 to be clever backfires. They will feel stressed because the deadline is getting closer and closer.
Body paragraph 3
Regarding the solution, the schools and the government should provide more supportive measures to those
students
Use synonyms
. They should increase the financial support through scholarships, grants and
subsidized
Change the spelling
subsidised
show examples
 loans. By alleviating these financial
burden
Check wording
burdens
show examples
,
students
Use synonyms
 can focus more on the
study
Use synonyms
 rather than
focusing
Verb problem
apply
show examples
on earning money.
Also
Linking Words
,
student's
Check wording
students'
show examples
 stress can be released
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 the anxiety of economic issues will be decreased.
Body paragraph 4
Moreover
Linking Words
, universities can offer some workshops on
time
Use synonyms
 management and career planning from
time
Use synonyms
 to
time
Use synonyms
.
Students
Use synonyms
 can equip the skills of planning their
time
Use synonyms
the
Correct word choice
and the
show examples
 ways of striking
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 balance
of
Change preposition
between
show examples
 studying and working.
Prioritizing
Change the spelling
Prioritising
show examples
 academic goals can be
learnt
Correct your spelling
learned
 during the workshops,
prevent
Wrong verb form
preventing
show examples
 burnout and heavy workload
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 those
students
Use synonyms
.
Conclusion
In conclusion, by issuing the
aformentioned
Correct your spelling
aforementioned
 causes and solutions, it is hoped that their
students
Use synonyms
 who are facing problems
on
Change preposition
with
show examples
 working and studying can successfully
handling
Wrong verb form
handle
show examples
 their
work
Use synonyms
 and
study
Use synonyms
 well. A collaborative effort of both
students
Use synonyms
 and society
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 essential.

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task response
Answer both parts in a more direct way. State the two main causes clearly: money needs and poor time use. Then give clear solutions for each cause.
task response
Develop each point with one full chain: cause, result, and solution. For example, high fees make students work long hours, so they have less time to study; grants can cut the need for long work hours.
task response
Use one real or clear example. For instance, a student who works late shifts may miss class or have too little time to finish an essay.
task response
Some ideas are repeated, such as stress from money and study. Add more detail instead of saying the same point again.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: causes first, then solutions. Keep this plan, but make the link between each cause and its matching solution more clear.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body part with a short main idea, then explain it. Avoid very short parts such as “Therefore, eating into their study time.” Join them to the sentence before.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a natural way: “As a result”, “For this reason”, and “In addition”. Do not use too many links if the idea is not complete.
coherence and cohesion
Make the last part shorter and clearer. Restate the main causes and say that schools, the government, and students can work together.
coherence and cohesion
Check word forms and key phrases because they can make the flow hard to follow. For example, write “they” not “them”, “lack of time management”, “deal with”, and “handle work and study”.
task response
You discuss both causes and solutions, so the response stays on the topic.
task response
The points about high fees, rent, and daily needs are relevant and easy to understand.
coherence and cohesion
The use of separate parts for causes and solutions gives the essay a clear overall plan.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has an opening and a closing, and the main ideas appear in a sensible order.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Financial necessity
  • Tuition
  • Living costs
  • Employability
  • Work experience
  • Under pressure
  • Mismanagement
  • Time-management
  • Academic pursuits
  • Flexible part-time study
  • Financial aid
  • Scholarships
  • Bursaries
  • Collaboration
  • Integrated programs
  • Education
  • Work-life balance
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