IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 1.5

Many governments in the world spend large amounts of money on art, which helps to improve the quality of peoples lives. However, governments should spend money on other things rather than art. Do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
It is
noticable
Correct your spelling
noticeable
 that many countries focus on the art and
structres
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structures
 more than other aspects of the country
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 upgrade peoples living.
i
Capitalize the word
I
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 agree.
Body paragraph 1
Focusing on
attractive
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beautiful
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 scenery would attract tourists
which
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, which
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 may raise the
countrys
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country's
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 economy.
on
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On
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 top of that,
civiliants
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civilians
 would be happy and relaxed
sense
Use the right word
since
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 art
feed
Correct subject-verb agreement
feeds
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 the
soul
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soul,
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 as some say.
Body paragraph 2
However
Linking Words
, that does not make
goverments
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governments
 ignore the safety of their
resedents
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residents
.
nobody
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Nobody
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 would visit a country with
high
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a high
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 crime rate, more so, health
, it
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. It
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 is
nessesory
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necessary
 for
goverments
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governments
 to pay attention to hospitals and the
well being
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well-being
 of their
citisiants
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citizens
.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
i
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I
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 agree that art attracts
travelers
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travellers
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 and improves comfort
,
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. In
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in contrast
Linking Words
, the
safeness
Replace the word
safety
 and security
also
Linking Words
effect
Use the right word
affect
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 the life quality for
citisiants
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citizens
,
thats
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that's
 why it is important to balance between those two.

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task response
Make your view fully clear in the first part. You say you agree, but your last part says money should be shared between art and other needs. Say if art should get less money, or if both should get money.
task response
Give more detail for each main idea. For example, explain how art can bring visitors, jobs, and money to local shops. Then explain why health care, schools, and police need money first.
task response
Add one clear real or made-up example. For example, a new art place may bring visitors, while a city with poor hospitals may harm the lives of its people.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clearer plan: first part with your view, one part about art, one part about other public needs, then a short final part.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body part with a full topic sentence. For example: “Art can help a country in some ways.” Then: “However, other public needs are more important.”
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words such as “First”, “Also”, “However”, “For this reason”, and “In the end”. Do not join too many ideas in one long sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Keep the same main words. Use “art”, “government”, “people”, and “public needs” in a clear way. This will make the essay easier to follow.
task response
You answer both sides of the question: art can help people and visitors, but safety and health also matter.
task response
Your main ideas are on topic and fit the question.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear opening, two main parts, and a final part.
coherence and cohesion
You use some helpful link words, such as “However”, “more so”, and “In conclusion”.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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