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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Many parents think that it is good to teach children about the value of money .Why do you think it is important to teach them the value of money? In what ways can you help children learn the value of money?

3.5 / 9
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Introduction
Money
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 is
very
Add an article
a very
show examples
valueable
Correct your spelling
valuable
 thing in human life, and it is
crucial
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a crucial
show examples
 thing that everyone should know
importance
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the importance
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 of
this
Linking Words
. Some people believe that teaching the value to their kids is very necessary as
childern
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children
 can understand the
hardwork
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hard work
 and patience. There are different ways that can help parents
to
Wrong verb form
apply
show examples
teach their minors.
Body paragraph 1
First of all, teaching
childern
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children
 the value of
builds
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building
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 life-long
finacial
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financial
 independence,
reduce
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reducing
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 future debt, and replaces impluse habits and discipline.
Also
Linking Words
, early lesson helps them to grasp the difference between needs and wants, understand the hard work and set their goal.
For example
Linking Words
, parents can guide their
childern
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children
 about the needs and
want
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wants
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, like
as
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apply
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books are
their
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a
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 need for studying,
while
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 computer game is their want, so making a clear difference
in both
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between the two
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 helps kids to understand the importance of
money
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.
Body paragraph 2
Moving
forword
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forward
, inactive real-world experience plays a vital role
to teach
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in teaching
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 the kids,
for instance
Linking Words
,
get
Verb problem
take
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 the children
for
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to
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 the grocery and let them know the price of each
things
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thing
show examples
 you get
to
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apply
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home and compare the price with different
store
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stores
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,
also
Linking Words
 shop
from
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at
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 the cheapest store, so that they can easily understand the real value and get the experience
to
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of the
show examples
 right use of
money
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.
Conclusion
In conclusion, there are so many ways to teach the childer about the importance of
money
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 in
real
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the real
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 world, it is not only by parents, but
also
Linking Words
 in school
they
Punctuation problem
, they
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 can learn
as well as
Linking Words
while
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 using cash
money
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instaed
Correct your spelling
instead
 of e-
money
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.

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task response
Answer both parts more fully. Explain why money lessons matter, then give clear ways parents can teach this at home.
task response
Make your main ideas more clear. For example, children can learn to save, plan what to buy, and know the difference between things they need and things they want.
task response
Develop each idea with one short example. Your example about books and games is useful, but explain how it helps a child make a good choice.
task response
Use more exact ideas in the second body part. Say that parents can give a small amount of money, ask children to plan it, and talk about the choice after they buy something.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clear four-part plan: introduction, why it is important, ways to teach it, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body paragraph with one clear main idea. Then add an explanation and an example. Do not put too many ideas in one long sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words such as “First”, “Also”, “For example”, “As a result”, and “In conclusion”.
coherence and cohesion
Keep the conclusion close to your main points. Do not add a new idea there, such as schools or cash, unless you explained it in the body.
task response
You answer both questions: you give reasons for teaching money and ways parents can help.
task response
The books and computer games example is real and easy to understand.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two main parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use some helpful link words, such as “First of all”, “For example”, and “In conclusion”.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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