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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Individuals can do nothing to improve the environment; only governments and large companies can make a difference. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

6.5 / 9
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Introduction
Nowadays, there is a lot of discussion about growing concerns related to the
environment
Use synonyms
.
Although
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 many citizens believe that they cannot do much to protect their surroundings, others think that only
government
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 and big
companies
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 can bring a
change
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. I strongly disagree with
this
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 because both individuals and
government
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 and
companies
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 have a collective responsibility towards protecting the
environment
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.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
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 with, there are a plethora of reasons to support my disagreement towards how humans can improve the
environment
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. Taking one step at a time, is one of them.
People
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 can start with an idea to plant a tree where they reside,
this
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 will not only reduce the air pollution level but
also
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, it might influence others to follow the same.
As a result
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,
this
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 can significantly contribute to improvement in the society.
Additionally
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,
people
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 can
also
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 participate, by not throwing garbage in public areas, particularly plastic bottles and wrappers.
Therefore
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, just by implementing the above-mentioned ideas,
people
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 can themselves bring a significant
change
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 in the
environment
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.
Body paragraph 2
Furthermore
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, there is no denying that ruling parties and big
companies
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 may have the capacity to improve the atmosphere.
This
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 can be possible, if
government
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 takes appropriate measures to improve public places by enacting stringent laws, they can significantly bring positive
change
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, which would ultimately benefit future generation.
Whereas
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 reputed
companies
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 can invest some amount of money by organising community awareness campaigns at public areas or in park,
this
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 will provide them the platform to raise issues
while
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 they can see them.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
while
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 many believe that
people
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 cannot protect the surroundings, others argue that
government
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 and
companies
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 solely can make a
change
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. I completely disagree with
this
Linking Words
 thinking because human beings,
government
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 and
companies
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, they all have the accountability together as a group to save the
environment
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.

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task response
State your view more clearly in the first part: people can help, but governments and big companies also have a key role. This will make your answer to the question more exact.
task response
Develop each main idea further. For example, explain how planting trees, using less plastic, and not dropping waste can add up when many people do them.
task response
Use one clear, real example. You could say that if people in one town bring cloth bags and sort waste at home, less plastic goes to rivers and land.
task response
Explain the role of governments and companies with more detail. For example, governments can set rules on factory waste, while companies can use less plastic in their goods.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two body parts, and an end. Keep this shape, but make the first body part focus only on people and the second only on governments and companies.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are too long and join many ideas. Split them into shorter sentences so the reader can follow your point more easily.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a more natural way. For example: First, Also, As a result, However, and In conclusion. Do not use too many links in one sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating broad words such as 'change,' 'environment,' and 'improve' too often. Name the exact action or result instead, such as 'cut waste,' 'clean parks,' or 'reduce air pollution.'
task response
You give a clear view that people, governments, and companies must all help to protect the environment.
task response
You include useful actions for people, such as planting trees and not dropping plastic waste.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion both address the main question and show your overall view.
coherence and cohesion
The two main body parts are ordered in a clear way: first people, then governments and companies.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • environmental awareness
  • sustainable practices
  • renewable energy
  • carbon footprint
  • waste reduction
  • conservation
  • ecosystem
  • pollution
  • climate change
  • responsibility
  • leadership
  • legislation
  • investment
  • collaboration
  • systemic change
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