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Writing Samples
Band 5

Individuals can do nothing to improve the environment; only governments and large companies can make a difference. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
Nowadays, there is a lot of discussion about growing concerns related to the
environment
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
 many citizens believe that they cannot do much to protect their surroundings, others think that only
Use synonyms
government
Add an article
the government
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 and big
companies
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 can bring a
change
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. I strongly disagree with
this
Linking Words
 because both individuals and
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government
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the government
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 and
companies
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 have a collective responsibility towards protecting the
environment
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.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
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 with, there are a plethora of reasons to support my disagreement towards how humans can improve the
environment
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. Taking one step at a time
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 is one of them.
People
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 can start with an idea to plant a tree where they reside,
Linking Words
this
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 will not only reduce the air pollution level but
also
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, it might influence others to follow the same.
As a result
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,
this
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 can significantly contribute to improvement in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society.
Additionally
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,
people
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 can
also
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 participate
,
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apply
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 by not throwing garbage in public areas, particularly plastic bottles and wrappers.
Therefore
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, just by implementing the above-mentioned ideas,
people
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 can themselves bring a significant
change
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 in the
environment
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.
Body paragraph 2
Furthermore
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, there is no denying that ruling parties and big
companies
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 may have the capacity to improve the atmosphere.
This
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 can be possible
,
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apply
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 if
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government
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the government
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 takes appropriate measures to improve public places by enacting stringent laws
,
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;
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 they can significantly bring positive
change
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, which would ultimately benefit future
generation
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generations
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.
Whereas
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 reputed
companies
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 can invest some amount of money by organising community awareness campaigns at public areas or in
park
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a park
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,
this
Linking Words
 will provide them the platform to raise issues
while
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 they can see them.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
while
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 many believe that
people
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 cannot protect the surroundings, others argue that
Use synonyms
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 and
companies
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solely
Rephrase
alone
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 can make a
change
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. I completely disagree with
this
Linking Words
 thinking because human beings,
government
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 and
companies
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, they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
 all have
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
accountability together as a group to save the
environment
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.

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task response
State your view in a more direct way. Say that you disagree because people can make real change in daily life, while governments and big firms should also act.
task response
Develop each main idea more fully. Explain how planting trees, using less plastic, saving power, and sorting waste can lead to cleaner air, less waste, or lower harm.
task response
Use one clear, real example. For example, explain how people who carry a reusable bottle can cut the number of plastic bottles thrown away in a town.
task response
Be careful with broad claims such as 'significant change'. Show why and how the change happens instead of only saying that it will happen.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear opening, two body parts, and an ending. Make the first body part focus only on what individuals can do, and the second on how governments and companies can support them.
coherence and cohesion
Use shorter sentences in places where many ideas are joined by commas. This will make your meaning easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with clear cause words, such as 'because', 'so', 'as a result', and 'for example'. Do not use too many linking words when one is enough.
coherence and cohesion
Keep key words the same. Choose 'the environment' rather than changing between 'surroundings', 'atmosphere', and 'society', as these words do not mean exactly the same thing.
coherence and cohesion
Make the last paragraph shorter and clearer. Restate your view and the two main reasons without repeating the full question.
task response
You answer the question clearly and give a firm view that individuals, governments, and companies all share responsibility.
task response
You include useful actions for individuals, such as planting trees and not dropping plastic waste.
coherence and cohesion
The essay follows an easy-to-see order: opening, ideas about people, ideas about governments and companies, then a final view.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as 'To begin with', 'Additionally', 'Furthermore', and 'In conclusion' help the reader see the main parts of your essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • environmental awareness
  • sustainable practices
  • renewable energy
  • carbon footprint
  • waste reduction
  • conservation
  • ecosystem
  • pollution
  • climate change
  • responsibility
  • leadership
  • legislation
  • investment
  • collaboration
  • systemic change
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