IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many people prefer to watch foreign films rather than locally produced films. Why could this be? Should governments give more financial support to local film industries?

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Introduction
Foreign films, compared to domestically produced ones, tend to reach a wider audience.
Such
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tendency
Add an article
a tendency
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 could be
due to
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higher
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the higher
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quality
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 of the
overall
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 picture and better acting skills of
players
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the players
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. By investing in the local
film
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 industry, governments can
in
Punctuation problem
, in
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fact
Punctuation problem
fact,
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 enhance the level of
this
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 sector and acquire financial benefits in the long run.
Body paragraph 1
The primary reason for the popularity of foreign movies is their outstanding cinematography, which mainly arises from the use of more advanced technology. High visual
quality
Use synonyms
 makes the process of watching more satisfying for the viewers, thereby
captures
Wrong verb form
capturing
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 great public interest.
For example
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, when a trailer of a new
film
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 from Hollywood is
released
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released,
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 a mounting number of people rush to buy tickets in advance. Another worth mentioning cause is the plot of the movie, because statistically
thought-provoking
Punctuation problem
, thought-provoking
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 films with compelling narrative are more likely to record higher ratings. Successful filmmakers have a clear understanding of the public preferences, which
assists
Verb problem
helps
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 them
to
Wrong verb form
apply
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choose scenarios targeted towards a wider audience.
Body paragraph 2
Governments should not underestimate
power
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the power
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 of the local
film
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 industry, since the enhancement of
this
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 sector could draw in not only huge amounts of money but
also
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 improve the global recognition of the country.
Therefore
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, authorities should gradually replace obsolete equipment
by
Change preposition
with
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 relatively advanced ones and focus more on
the
Correct article usage
apply
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quality
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 education related to
this
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 specialised field.
For instance
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, relevant authorities can determine the areas for improvement in cinematography and tuition in acting by conducting surveys among students and individuals involved in these fields.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
greater
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the greater
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 popularity of
foreign
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the foreign
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film
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 industry can be described by superior visual
quality
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 and
deeper
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a deeper
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 appreciation of social expectations.
Furthermore
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, investments in local
film
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 production can become an additional source of revenue for
government
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the government
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 and provide an opportunity to attain global recognition.

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task response
Answer the first question more fully. You explain why foreign films are popular, but add one clear point about wider money, famous stars, or strong world marketing.
task response
Make your view on public money more direct. Say clearly that governments should give support, but also explain how this money should be used and why it is a good use of public money.
task response
Use more real and clear examples. The Hollywood trailer example fits well, but the last example is about surveys, not a film project or a clear result.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear shape: introduction, two main parts, and conclusion. Keep this clear order in future writing.
coherence and cohesion
Some links between ideas need to be smoother. For example, after talking about film quality, show more clearly how better tools lead to more people watching local films.
coherence and cohesion
Make each main point more focused. In the first body part, keep visual quality, story, acting, and public taste in a clearer order, with one main idea in each paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Check a few word groups that make the meaning less clear. For example, write “this captures public interest” and “the power of the local film industry.”
task response
You answer both parts of the question and give a clear positive view about government support for local films.
task response
Your main ideas are relevant: better film quality, strong stories, better tools, training, money, and world image.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction gives your main ideas, and the conclusion brings them back in a clear way.
coherence and cohesion
Paragraphs are well placed, and words such as “therefore,” “for example,” and “furthermore” help the reader follow your ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Globalization
  • Cultural exchange
  • Cinematic expertise
  • Diverse narratives
  • Enriching cultural experience
  • Linguistic proficiency
  • Cinematography advancements
  • Government subsidies
  • Promote local talent
  • Economic sustainability
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