IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Many people prefer to watch foreign films rather than locally produced films. Why could this be? Should governments give more financial support to local film industries?

2.5 / 9
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Introduction
Most individuals tend to watch foreign
movies
Use synonyms
instead
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 of
domestic
Replace the word
domestically
 produced ones.
This
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 essay will touch
the
Change preposition
on the
show examples
 reasons
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
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 problem.
Body paragraph 1
The main reason for
this
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 problem is popular
actors
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. Good
actors
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 with amazing acting careers can attract attention to the film despite the script.
Body paragraph 2
For example
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, many
movies
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 starring
actors
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 like Leonardo DiCaprio, Al Pacino, or Tom Cruise do not have good scripts or high quality, but their
movies
Use synonyms
 are more popular than others that premiered at the same time, simply because of these
actors
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 3
Governments should provide more financial support to domestic films to make their homelands known around the world.
Body paragraph 4
In the past 15 years, Asian series and
movies
Use synonyms
 have become enormously popular around the world, and many people watch these shows because they are interested in their traditions.
This
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 is a telling example.
Conclusion
In conclusion, many people prefer foreign
movies
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 because of the
actors
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and
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,
show examples
 etc.
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 if the government
will spend
Wrong verb form
spends
show examples
 more money on
movies
Use synonyms
,
this
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 problem can be solved.

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task response
Answer both parts more fully. Explain more than one reason why people choose foreign films, such as big budgets, well-known actors, and better ads. Then give a clear view on state support and explain why it would help.
task response
Make your main ideas clearer. The point about actors is useful, but it needs more detail: explain how famous actors make people want to watch a film. The point about Asian films does not clearly show why state money is needed.
task response
Use examples that strongly support your point. Instead of saying that some films have poor stories, show how a local film group could use state money for better scripts, staff, film work, or ads.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clearer four-part plan: introduction, reasons for foreign films, your view on state support, and conclusion. Each body part should have one main point and a short example.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas in a more direct way. Use simple links such as “First”, “Also”, “For example”, “As a result”, and “However”. Do not use “and etc.” because it is not clear.
coherence and cohesion
Make the first and last parts match. The opening says the essay will discuss reasons only, but the question also asks about state support. The last part should clearly restate your answer to both questions.
task response
You give a direct reason for the choice of foreign films: famous actors can bring more people to a film.
task response
You give a clear view that states should give more money to local films.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has an opening, body parts, and a closing, so the reader can follow the main shape of your answer.
coherence and cohesion
You use an example with well-known actors, which helps make your first main point easier to understand.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Globalization
  • Cultural exchange
  • Cinematic expertise
  • Diverse narratives
  • Enriching cultural experience
  • Linguistic proficiency
  • Cinematography advancements
  • Government subsidies
  • Promote local talent
  • Economic sustainability
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