Children need to learn the age difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? What sort of punishment should parents or teachers be allowed to use to teach good behaviors to children?

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Introduction
There is no denying the fact that some people believe that kids
are
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need to be punished to learn the age difference between right and wrong.
While
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it is commonly held
belief
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that parents panishment may be more
beneficia
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beneficial
,
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while
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there is
also
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an argument that teachers should
panish
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punish
kids to teach good
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behavior
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behaviour
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. In my opinion, I consider that
panishment
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punishment
is not necessary and it has many circumstances in
children
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life.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
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with, communication
teach
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teaches
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children
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important lessons which can help them to deal with other people.
In other words
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, parents help
children
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understand life by presenting real-life scenarios and emotions.
In addition
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, kids learn empathy and values through
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their parents
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parents
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parents' behaviour
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behavior
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, which improves their understanding of others.
For example
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, "The Nights" song by
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Avicii
,
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teaches us the lesson that fathers
guides
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guide
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their son's to success when they believe in themselves.
Body paragraph 2
Another point to consider is that teachers can not show
bad
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a bad
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atittude
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attitude
significantly
againest
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against
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,
while
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helping them to develop their academic background. It is
also
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possible to say that
children
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inspire creative thinking by learning positive ideas, allowing
children
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to correct their faults by themselves and judging bad
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behavior
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behaviour
show examples
through
create
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creative
imagination images.
Moreover
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, imagination enhances problem-solving by allowing
children
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to think outside the box.
For instance
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, Pinocchio encourages imagination by showing that whenever Pinocchio lies, his nose grows longer.
Conclusion
In conclusion, despite people having different views. I believe that when
children
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see good
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behavior
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behaviour
show examples
or bad one they learn it
fastly, good
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quickly. Good behaviour
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behavior
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is a valuable use of their early age.

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task response
Answer both parts of the question clearly. Say how far you agree that punishment is needed, then give clear types of punishment that parents and teachers may use.
task response
Your main view is not fully clear. You say punishment is not needed, but you do not explain what should happen when a child does something wrong. Give a clear plan, such as calm talk, saying sorry, loss of a small game time, or extra help at home or school.
task response
Develop each main idea with a reason and a real example. The song and Pinocchio examples are not strong enough because they do not show how a parent or teacher teaches a child after bad behavior.
task response
Be more exact. For example, explain that hitting, shouting, and shame should not be used, because they can make children afraid. Then explain why calm and fair results can help children learn.
coherence and cohesion
Use a simple four-part plan: introduction, one paragraph on your view, one paragraph on safe and fair ways to deal with bad behavior, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Make the first sentence of each body paragraph state one clear idea. The first paragraph can focus on talking and showing good behavior. The second can focus on fair rules and what teachers and parents can do.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas more clearly. Use words such as 'First', 'Also', 'For example', 'As a result', and 'However'. Do not join too many different ideas in one long sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Keep each paragraph on one topic. The second body paragraph moves from teachers' behavior to school work, creative thought, and imagination. These ideas do not fully support your main point about punishment.
task response
You give a clear general view that punishment is not the best way to teach children.
task response
You try to support your ideas with examples and explain the value of good behavior from adults.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use some linking words, such as 'To begin with', 'In addition', 'Moreover', and 'In conclusion'.
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