IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Many people think that the media should show more stories which report good news. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

2.5 / 9
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Introduction
In recent times, there has been a debate
wether
Use the right word
whether
show examples
 individuals should post more good stories on social media or not ,
this
Linking Words
 issue
devided
Correct your spelling
divided
people
Use synonyms
 into two groups. From my perspective
posting
Punctuation problem
, posting
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positive
Add an article
a positive
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 concept is essentiel i strongly agree with that.
Body paragraph 1
Sharing
a
Correct article usage
apply
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useful posts can help others and motivate them
, when
Punctuation problem
. When
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 we see what
people
Use synonyms
 usually do in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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good term sush as helping others or creating good
memories
Punctuation problem
memories,
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this
Linking Words
motivate
Correct subject-verb agreement
motivates
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 us to be more creative in our lives.
Moreover
Linking Words
, news can
effect
Use the right word
affect
show examples
people
Use synonyms
according to
Linking Words
 a study made in
ulster university
Capitalize the proper name
Ulster University
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 in
london our
Punctuation problem
London. Our
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 brain
get
Correct subject-verb agreement
gets
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 ideas from what we used to watch
thta
Punctuation problem
. That
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 is the key point to help
our selves
Correct your spelling
ourselves
 by seeing more
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
useful publications .
For instance
Linking Words
 ,
i
Fix capitalization
I
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 am that kinf of
Use synonyms
people
Check wording
person
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 who really
get
Correct subject-verb agreement
gets
show examples
 ideas from social media
so
Punctuation problem
, so
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 when
i
Fix capitalization
I
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 scroll
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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i
Fix capitalization
I
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 see the useful ones i find myself more active in my daily life .
Conclusion
In conclusion, social media should
illustrates
Wrong verb form
illustrate
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 only the positive news to motivate
people
Use synonyms
.

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Task response
Your view is clear: you agree that the media should show more good news. However, the question is about the media in general, while much of your essay talks only about social media. Keep the same focus all through the essay.
Task response
Give a fuller answer. Explain why more good news is helpful, but also say why bad news should not be fully removed. For example, reports on crime, war, or health risks can help people stay safe and make good choices.
Task response
Develop each main point with a clear reason and a real example. Your example about feeling more active after seeing useful posts is relevant, but it needs more detail about what you saw and what you then did.
Coherence and cohesion
Use a clearer plan: introduce your opinion, write one body part about how good news can help people, write a second body part about the need for some bad news, then give a short conclusion.
Coherence and cohesion
Make the links between ideas clearer. Use simple words such as “First”, “Also”, “For example”, “However”, and “As a result”. This will help the reader follow your points.
Coherence and cohesion
Some sentences join many ideas without clear stops. Split them into shorter sentences. For example, state the main idea first, explain it next, and then give an example.
Coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion is too strong because it says social media should show only positive news. This does not fully match your main point about showing more good news. Say “more positive news” instead of “only positive news”.
Task response
You give a direct opinion from the start and keep it clear in the essay.
Task response
You use a personal example to show how positive posts may affect daily life.
Coherence and cohesion
The essay has an introduction, one main body part, and a conclusion.
Coherence and cohesion
You use some linking words, such as “Moreover”, “For instance”, and “In conclusion”.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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