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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

doctors, other health workers and teachers make great contributions to society and so should be paid more than entertainment and sports celebraties. Do you agree or disagree.

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Introduction
Every profession is of great importance and has different implications in its
field
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.
However
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, there are some prestigious professionals ,
such
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 as
doctors
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 and
teachers
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, who have to deal with difficult conditions irrespective of time. I firmly believe that they should be paid more than others , like musicians and athletes.
Body paragraph 1
The first most argued statement is that the importance of human life is extremely higher than any of the recreational activity. The
doctors
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 play a significant role in dealing with serious situations like operations, surgeries and transplants.
Health
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 is the greatest wealth for society , and , for sure, the
doctors
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 and
health
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 workers are the heroes in
this
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field
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. Ultimately, they are a crucial part of society because people need them 24/7 in case of illness.
For example
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, in the case of COVID-19, all businesses and factories were
locked
Verb problem
closed
show examples
, and the public was isolated in their homes
due to
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 fear of death, but only the
doctors
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 and
health
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 workers stood steady and made every effort to cure
this
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 viral disease.
However
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, entertainment
also
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 counts for refreshment and revivement but the community needs
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health-operators
Correct your spelling
health operators
 more rigorously.
Body paragraph 2
Additionally
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, the
teachers
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also
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 make remarkable contributions to the
nations
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nation
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. Every
field
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 of study , whether it is science,
sports
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, medicine, engineering, mathematics, or even music, requires a mentor for guidelines and lessons. The faculty highly
contribute
Correct subject-verb agreement
contributes
show examples
 to the future of a country by bringing up the great lawyers, judges, lecturers, scientists, poets and soldiers.
For instance
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, a child is more likely to get higher motivation to be a doctor or pilot
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the encouragement of his teacher. In
this
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 way,
teachers
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 shape the coming days of a nation in the long run because each student gets the future direction and the right path from their tutor.
On the other hand
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sports
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 opportunities
also
Linking Words
 do a lot for the public by providing them with
health
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 and fitness , but surely, a
field
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 of
sports
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also
Linking Words
 needs a teacher .
Conclusion
Having said that, I would like
to conclude
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 by saying that every piece of work or job is valuable , but when the
teachers
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 and
doctors
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 take steps in, they diminish the importance of every other profession. That's why , being the most mandatory institutions for a country, they both must be paid more
as compared to
Correct word choice
than
show examples
 musicians and
sports
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 professionals.

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task response
Your view is clear: doctors, health workers, and teachers should earn more. To make the answer stronger, explain more clearly why pay should be higher, not only why these jobs are important. For example, link pay to long work hours, hard training, risk, and public need.
task response
You cover doctors and teachers well, but give a fairer view of sports and music. Say that some sports people and singers bring jobs, money, and joy, but their work is usually less important in an emergency. This will make your point more complete.
task response
Your COVID-19 example is useful and fits the main idea. Add one more clear example for teachers, such as how good teaching can help children gain skills and later work as doctors, builders, or scientists.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and an end. Keep this plan. Make the first line of each body part state the main point in a more direct way.
coherence and cohesion
Some long sentences contain many ideas and are hard to follow. Break them into two or three short sentences. For example, write one sentence about doctors' work, then one about why society needs them, and then give the COVID-19 example.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. Phrases such as “However” and “On the other hand” should show a real change or other view. In a few places, a simple link such as “Also,” “For example,” or “As a result” would be clearer.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeated words such as “great,” “important,” and “society.” Use simple different words where possible, such as “vital,” “needed,” “the public,” or “the country.”
task response
You answer the question directly and keep the same clear view from start to end.
task response
The COVID-19 example is clear, real, and strongly supports your point about health workers.
coherence and cohesion
Your ideas are arranged in a sensible order: health workers first, teachers next, and then a final summary.
coherence and cohesion
Each main body part stays mostly on one topic, which makes the essay easy to follow.
Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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