Some people think that the government should be responsible for funding healthcare and education of the country, while others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Introduction
some
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Some
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people
arguae
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argue
that interpersonal relationships play a more pivotal role in personal happiness than career success or financial abundance.
Body paragraph 1
I completely agree with
this
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perspective because emotional support from family and friends gives us
strngth
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strength
when we face difficulties at
work
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.
This
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support helps us overcome difficulties.
Body paragraph 2
This
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makes us more successful at
work
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.
Body paragraph 3
Some people focus only on their jobs and ignore their relationships. They might become successful at
work
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, but they fail in their personal lives.
This
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is a sad result that
i
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I
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want to avoid.
Body paragraph 4
Money gives us a material basis ,but we still face emotional problems every day .The most important thing is the emotional connection with friends and family.
Conclusion
Maybe we should focus more on the balance between family and
work
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while
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chasing success.
This
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is the most beneficial way for us.Being able to handle
work
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problems is necessary,but being able to handle emotional
diffoculties
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difficulties
in life is true success.

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task response
Your essay does not answer the given question about government funding for health care and education. It answers a different topic about family, friends, work, and money. Read the question carefully and make sure every paragraph is about its two views and your own view.
task response
Discuss both sides clearly. Explain why some people think the state should pay for health care and education, and why others think people or private groups should pay. Then give your own clear opinion.
task response
Give real and clear support for each main idea. For example, state funding can help poor people get care and go to school. On the other hand, full state funding can cost a lot and may lead to higher tax.
coherence and cohesion
Your ideas are in a simple order: your view, a second view, then a final thought. However, the main ideas repeat the same point about emotional support and work problems. Make each paragraph do one clear job.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clear four-part plan: introduce the topic, explain the first view, explain the second view, and give your opinion in the end. This will make your answer easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words such as “First”, “However”, “For example”, “As a result”, and “In conclusion”. Do not start many sentences with “This” unless it is clear what “This” means.
coherence and cohesion
Check small writing errors that can slow the reader down, such as “arguae”, “strngth”, “diffoculties”, “i”, and missing spaces after full stops.
task response
You give a clear personal view in the first paragraph, and you try to explain why you hold it.
task response
The points about support from family and friends are easy to understand and stay close to your chosen topic.
coherence and cohesion
You use separate paragraphs, and the last paragraph gives a clear ending idea about balance.
coherence and cohesion
Some links between ideas are clear, such as “but” and “while”, which help show contrast.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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