some people believe that celebrity personal events is waste of money. other feel that these celebrations play an important role in the lives of individual and in society as a whole. discuss both of viws and give your opinion

6.0 / 9

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Introduction

Some communities believe that celebrating personal events costs a lot of funds,

while

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others argue that these festivities are important for the individual and society.

This

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essay will discuss both views. In my opinion, personal festivity in special occasions is essential, but bourgeois should use payment wisely.

Body paragraph 1

On the one hand, several populations contend that personal events are a waste of wages. Celebrations

such

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as weddings, birthdays, and entertainment.

This

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capital could be used for more essential things,

for instance

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, education, buying a house or saving for the future. As shown by some bodies who have huge weddings even though they do not have enough savings, the impact is that they have to struggle to meet their daily needs because they have run out of property.

Body paragraph 2

Nevertheless

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, other people consider that festive occasions are valuable in our lives and society. Personal events can bring family and friends together. They

also

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give society an opportunity to share happiness and create more unforgettable memories. In the case of a wedding gala can bring two families together and make their relationship closer.

In addition

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, celebrations can help people feel connected to their community.

Conclusion

In my opinion, personal celebrations are useful and necessary, but they do not need to be expensive. People should celebrate important moments with their families and friends

according to

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their financial situation. Spending too much salary only on a ceremony can cause financial problems in the future.

diaulfib

Oct 25, 2026

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task response

You discuss both views and give your own view clearly. To make your ideas stronger, explain more fully why some people spend too much and why events can help the wider group.

task response

Use clearer examples. For example, a small wedding may bring two families together, while a very large wedding may leave a couple with no money for rent, school, or future needs.

task response

Make the first main idea more complete. Say clearly that costly events can lead to debt or make it hard to pay for daily needs. Avoid ideas that stop too soon, such as “weddings, birthdays, and entertainment.”

coherence and cohesion

Your essay has a clear start, two main parts, and an ending. Keep this plan, but make each paragraph begin with one full main idea and then add an explanation and example.

coherence and cohesion

Link some sentences more smoothly. For example: “For this reason, they may have trouble paying for daily needs.” This shows the result of spending too much.

coherence and cohesion

Use the same words for key ideas. Choose “personal celebrations” or “special events” and use it through the essay. Words such as “populations,” “capital,” and “property” do not fit well here.

coherence and cohesion

Check sentence form in a few places. For example, write “A wedding can bring two families together,” not “In the case of a wedding gala can bring two families together.”

task response

You answer all parts of the question: you explain both sides and state your own view.

task response

Your main view is sensible and clear: celebrations matter, but people should spend within their means.

coherence and cohesion

The paragraph order is easy to follow, with one paragraph for each view and a final paragraph for your opinion.

coherence and cohesion

You use helpful link words such as “On the one hand,” “Nevertheless,” and “In addition.”

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 9.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

237 words

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