IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Students tend to choose a part-time job to earn money during the University students’ life, so they cannot balance between the work and study. How could this issue affect the future generation and what are the solutions to have a better life on the university study level?

2.5 / 9
Band scoreView breakdown ↓
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Introduction
Nowadays, students work part-time
job
Check wording
jobs
show examples
 to get money
while
Linking Words
 they
studying
Verb problem
are studying
show examples
. People think it is challenging to balance study over working. In my opinion,
they
Correct pronoun usage
there
show examples
 are more advantages than
disadvantage
Check wording
disadvantages
show examples
while
Linking Words
 getting
little
Add an article
a little
show examples
 gig and being at the University at the same time.
Body paragraph 1
At
first,
Linking Words
getting some money to pay your mortgage is better than
stress
Replace the word
stressing
 over bills and
have
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
 homework. Personally, I have a coworker
Linking Words
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 is a single mom of a daughter; she has to pay her obligations and
taking
Wrong verb form
take
show examples
 care of the girl
while
Linking Words
 she was at nursing school.
Guest
Use the right word
Guess
show examples
 what? She made it. So, you need a motivation to move on.
Body paragraph 2
Secondly
Linking Words
, meanwhile you punch in does not automatically
means
Wrong verb form
mean
show examples
 you will not be motivated. Learning is
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 best option to get a good salary. I would suggest students, to focus and create time to make some green back to cover
your expense
Fix the agreement mistake
their expenses
show examples
while
Linking Words
 getting
your
Fix the agreement mistake
their
show examples
 degree.
Conclusion
Overall
Linking Words
, being an employee should not be an issue
while
Linking Words
 someone is in high school.
However
Linking Words
, the suppose to balance their responsibility as employee, and their lessons.
Otherwise
Linking Words
, getting an
associate
Check wording
associate's
show examples
 degree will help you to get a better job.

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task response
Answer both parts of the question. Explain how this problem may affect young people in the future, then give clear ways to help students balance work and study.
task response
Your main idea is that part-time work can help with money. This is useful, but you also need to discuss the bad side, such as less time for study, stress, low marks, or leaving school early.
task response
Give more direct solutions. For example, schools can offer money help, students can work fewer hours, and students can make a weekly plan for work, classes, and rest.
task response
The story about your co-worker shows that some people can work and study. Add an example about a university student, because the question is about university life.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clearer four-part plan: introduction, effects on the future, solutions, and conclusion. This will make your answer easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Make each main paragraph focus on one point. The first body paragraph can be about future effects. The second body paragraph can be about solutions.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words such as “First”, “Also”, “As a result”, “For example”, and “In conclusion”. Use these words only when they show a clear link.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences do not connect well with the question. For example, the last paragraph talks about high school and an associate degree. Keep the focus on university students.
task response
You give a clear view that work can help students pay for daily needs and lower money stress.
task response
You include a real-life example to support the idea that it is possible to work and study at the same time.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an opening, two main paragraphs, and a final paragraph, so the reader can see the basic shape of your answer.
coherence and cohesion
You use simple order words such as “At first”, “Secondly”, and “Overall”, which helps show the order of your ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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