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Band 4.5

Some people think that books should be stopped in schools that film videos and computer should be used to what extent do you agree

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Introduction
It is often argued that
instead
Linking Words
 of books,
schools
Use synonyms
 should initiate the use of technological features
such
Linking Words
 as films, videos, and computers.
However
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, I do not agree with
this
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 statement as the
children
Use synonyms
 can be addicted to smart
devices
Use synonyms
, and the cost of purchasing a computer is high.
Body paragraph 1
On
one
Add an article
the one
show examples
 hand, nowadays
children
Use synonyms
 spend more
time
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 with smart
devices
Use synonyms
 rather than outdoor play. Given
this
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 situation, if the educational institutes start providing technological
devices
Use synonyms
,
this
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 will be a bad influence to student's education.
Parents
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 will not be able to allocate a separate
time
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 to use
devices
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 as youngsters' studies involve
around
Change preposition
apply
show examples
computers. For
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
example, during covid
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time
Punctuation problem
time,
show examples
 most
schools
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 started teaching online
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
parents
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 had to give their kids
to use smart
Unsplit the infinitive
smart devices to use,
show examples
devices
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 and
this
Linking Words
 led
children
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 to play dangerous online games
such
Linking Words
 as
freefire
Correct your spelling
Free Fire
 and
cash
Fix capitalization
Clash
show examples
 of
clans
Capitalize the proper name
Clans
show examples
.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, not all
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
schools
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 can afford to have a computer lab in
schools
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. Most of the
schools
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 will have to ask the
children
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 to bring their own
Ipad
Capitalize the proper name
iPad
show examples
 or laptops
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
this
Linking Words
 will impact the parent's economical status as well. Young learners who are coming from a
low income
Correct your spelling
low-income
 family will have to force their
parents
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 to buy them a laptop
Linking Words
although
Punctuation problem
, although
show examples
 the
parents
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are
Verb problem
can
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 no longer afford one. I remember an incident during covid
time
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. In India, a child
commited
Correct your spelling
committed
 suicide just because
of the
Correct determiner usage
his
show examples
parents
Use synonyms
 refused to buy him a phone.
Conclusion
In conclusion, replacing books
for
Change preposition
with
show examples
 smart
devices
Use synonyms
 is not a good decision, as
this
Linking Words
 will affect
children
Use synonyms
's
mind set
Correct your spelling
mindset
 and
Use synonyms
parents
Check wording
parents'
show examples
 economy.

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task response
State your view more clearly in the first part. Say that you disagree because books are cheaper and help children focus, then keep these two ideas through the whole essay.
task response
Explain why books are still useful, not only why devices may be bad. For example, books do not need power, can be shared, and may help children read with less distraction.
task response
Develop each main point with a clear reason and result. The point about games is useful, but show why this problem would happen at school and how teachers could limit it.
task response
Use examples with care. The final example is very sad and feels too strong for the point. A simpler school or family example would be more suitable.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part form: opening, two body parts, and ending. Keep this form, but make the topic sentence of each body part more direct.
coherence and cohesion
Link the first body part more closely to your main view. Start with a sentence such as: "First, more computer use may make it harder for children to focus on study."
coherence and cohesion
Some ideas need a clearer order. In the first body part, move from device use, to school use, to games, and then to the effect on learning.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear linking words, but do not repeat time words too much. Instead of using "during covid time" twice, use "For example" in one part and "Another case" in the next.
task response
You give a clear opinion and maintain it from the opening to the ending.
task response
You use two relevant main ideas: too much device use and the high cost for families.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow because it has an opening, two main body parts, and a final ending.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as "On one hand", "On the other hand", and "In conclusion" help the reader see the main parts.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Literacy
  • Comprehension
  • Visual learners
  • Digital tools
  • Interactive resources
  • Attention spans
  • Tactile experience
  • Annotating skills
  • Accessibility
  • Text-to-speech functionalities
  • Overexposure
  • Eye strain
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