IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some countries there are more young people choosing to enrol in work-based training instead of attending university. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

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Introduction
It is true that young learners in some nations attend work-based learning rather than formal education.
However
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, in some countries, formal education is still necessary. I argue that applying for work-based training is more beneficial than going to university because some occupations require practical
skills
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and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 it can remove financial burden.
This
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 essay will explore the points below.
Body paragraph 1
From my point of view, various companies with specific jobs require practical
skills
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 more than academic requirements. Attending work-based training helps
individuals
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 to acquire specific
skills
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 needed based on their interests and spend their productive years more efficiently.
In addition
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, most of the training institutes have partnerships with reputable companies.
As a result
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, it’s easier for students to search for job opportunities and get offers.
For example
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, a culinary institute offers a
2 year
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2-year
 learning program and
job
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a job
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 guarantee upon
the
Correct article usage
apply
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completion of the course.
Individuals
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 can have their salary at a younger age and work in their
desirable
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desired
 area.
For instance
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,
sandwich
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the sandwich
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 generation can focus on
their
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the
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 practical
skills
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 they
wanted
Wrong verb form
want
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 to pursue in a short time and become a specialist after completing the training.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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,
individuals
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 tend to study for a longer
year
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period
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 if they want to get a
degree
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.
University
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The university
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 taught us more about general knowledge rather than practical
skills
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. In
this
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 modern era, companies value people based on their
skills
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not
Punctuation problem
, not
show examples
Use synonyms
degree
Correct determiner usage
their degree
show examples
.
For example
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, many graduates end up working in industries unrelated to their academic
degree
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.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
while
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 I believe that getting a
degree
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 in university is still beneficial, I argue that it is better to attend practical training because it can help
individuals
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 get occupied with work at an early age and reduce some financial burden.

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task response
State your main view more clearly. Say from the start that the good points are greater than the bad points, then show why.
task response
Explain the bad side in more detail before you compare it with the good side. For example, some jobs need a degree, and training may give fewer choices later.
task response
Develop each main point with a clear reason and result. The point about lower costs is in the start and end, but it needs its own full paragraph.
task response
Use examples that fit the point and are easy to understand. The cooking school example works well, but the point about a 'sandwich generation' is not clear and does not strongly support young people choosing training.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, body, and end. Make the body plan stronger: use one paragraph for skills and jobs, one for money, and one for the main bad side.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas more clearly. Use simple words such as 'First', 'Also', 'However', 'Because of this', and 'In contrast' to show how each idea is connected.
coherence and cohesion
Keep each paragraph focused on one main idea. The second body paragraph begins with the time needed for a degree, then moves to general knowledge and jobs. These ideas need clearer links.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid saying the same idea many times. The ideas of practical skills, early work, and jobs appear more than once. Add new support instead, such as lower course fees or no large student debt.
task response
You give a clear overall view that work-based training can be more useful for many young people.
task response
You include a relevant example of a cooking course that can lead to a job.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has an introduction and a conclusion, and the conclusion returns to your main view.
coherence and cohesion
You use contrast words such as 'However', 'On the other hand', and 'In conclusion' to guide the reader.
Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • work-based training
  • enrol
  • university
  • advantages
  • disadvantages
  • practical skills
  • experience
  • workforce
  • employment
  • earnings
  • opportunities
  • further education
  • theoretical knowledge
  • career options
  • exploitation
  • balance
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