Some people say governments should give health care the first priorities,while some others belive there are more important priorities to spend the taxpayer's money.Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Introduction
Having a good
health
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care
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system
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in a
country
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benefit their citizens and the
country
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both sametime
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at the same time
. Because of that
most
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, most
show examples
of the countries allocate masive heathcare budget to improve their
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health
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healthcare
care
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system
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. But some
people
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argue
government
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that government
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money that comes from taxpayers should utilise to other
sectors
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equally. I
belive
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believe
both
openions
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opinions
have pros and cons
same
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at the same
show examples
time.
Body paragraph 1
By having massive
health
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care
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budget helps to run medical operations and
its
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their
show examples
research smoothly. Many countries
were experianced
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experienced
show examples
that
people
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gets
Correct subject-verb agreement
get
show examples
more
dificulties
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difficulties
to get medical treatments
correct
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on
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time.
This
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breaks the whole
system
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in the county.
Linking Words
Furthermore
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Furthermore,
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many
people
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hold
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who hold
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to get
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apply
show examples
medical appointments will affect their economy directly. Because of
that
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that,
show examples
the governments reserve
considerable
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a considerable
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amount from
budget
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the budget
show examples
to run
its
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their
show examples
medical
sector
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.
This
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will reduce the large waiting lists in the hospitals
and
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, and
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citizens
able
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will be able
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to get treatment sooner.
Additionally
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having
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, having
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good
researches
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research
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and
train
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trained
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medical staff
also
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help
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helps
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to prevent
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this
Fix the agreement mistake
these
show examples
issues.
Body paragraph 2
On the
otherhand
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other hand
, only
consider
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considering
show examples
the
health
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care
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sector
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Linking Words
also
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is also
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be a
Verb problem
apply
show examples
problematic. To govern a
country
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effectively, need a attention to all other
sectors
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.
For
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example
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example,
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having
good
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a good
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education
system
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helps to educate and improve
skills
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the skills
show examples
of
people
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again good transport
system
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,
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apply
show examples
and
security
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a security
show examples
system
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of the
country
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few of them
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apply
show examples
. Those areas
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also
Verb problem
are also
show examples
equally important to run the
system
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flowless
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flawlessly
. For
this
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government
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, government
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allocations must
need to considor
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consider
show examples
other
sectors
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as well. Overcome
this
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issues
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issues,
show examples
many governments plan
proposal
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proposals
show examples
beforehand. From
that
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that,
show examples
they find
what
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which
show examples
sectors
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needs
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need
show examples
funds most and what
need to
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needs
show examples
more allocations.
Feasibility
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A feasibility
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study will
helps
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help
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to utilise
taxpayers
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taxpayers'
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money into correct
sector
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.
Conclusion
As a conclusion, having a proper
system
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benifits
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benefits
the
country
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numurous ways. To make
this
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each
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, each
show examples
and every
sector
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need
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needs
show examples
to be
considor
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considered
properly.
Government
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The government
show examples
should identify what
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country
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countries
show examples
need and where
allocate
Verb problem
to allocate
show examples
the
taxpayers
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taxpayers'
show examples
money
correclty
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correctly
.
This
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will
brings
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bring
show examples
more
benifits
Correct your spelling
benefits
to
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country
Add an article
the country
show examples
.

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task response
You discuss both sides and give your view, but your view is not clear enough. Say clearly if health care should come first, or if money should be shared between health care and other needs.
task response
Make each main idea more full. Explain why health care should have a high place, then explain why schools, roads, and safety also need money.
task response
Use one clear real or made-up example. For example, say that long waits for care can stop people from working, while good schools can help young people get jobs.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main parts, and an end. Keep this plan, but make the first line of each body part state the main point more clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple link words in a more clear way: “On the one hand”, “For example”, “As a result”, and “On the other hand”. Do not join too many ideas in one long sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Some ideas are hard to follow because the wording is not clear. For example, change “This breaks the whole system” to “This can put pressure on the health care system.”
coherence and cohesion
In the last part, repeat your main view in one direct sentence, then give a short reason. This will make the ending stronger.
task response
You cover health care and other public needs, such as education, transport, and safety.
task response
You give useful reasons for health care funding, including shorter hospital waiting lists and better training for medical staff.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is divided into clear parts: an opening, one part for health care, one part for other needs, and a closing.
coherence and cohesion
You use some helpful linking words, such as “Furthermore”, “Additionally”, and “On the other hand”.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite
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