uIt is better for children if the whole family including aunts, uncles and grandparents are involved in a child’s upbringing, rather than just their parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

4.5 / 9

Band scoreView breakdown ↓

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →

Introduction

Some people are of the opinion that

extended

Add an article

the extended

show examples

family should get involved in

child

Use synonyms

care

Use synonyms

other

Punctuation problem

, other

show examples

than only the

parents

Use synonyms

of the

children

Use synonyms

. I strongly agree with

this

Linking Words

opinion because

Punctuation problem

apply

show examples

involving family

members

Use synonyms

in the

care

Use synonyms

children

Use synonyms

helps to relieve the burden of

child

Use synonyms

care

Use synonyms

on the

parents

Use synonyms

, allows the guardian to have

time

Use synonyms

for personal growth and

also

Linking Words

gives the

children

Use synonyms

opprotunity

Correct your spelling

opportunity

to understand

culture

Use synonyms

and

tradition

Use synonyms

through guidance and teaching.

Body paragraph 1

Extended

Add an article

An extended

show examples

family being involved in

child

Use synonyms

care

Use synonyms

eases the stress of

child

Use synonyms

care

Use synonyms

parents

Use synonyms

. Taking

care

Use synonyms

of a

child

Use synonyms

creates emotional, physical and financial burden. Family being involved reduced

this

Linking Words

stress because they contribute by doing domestic chores, doing school runs , paying some aspects of fees in school and giving emotional

supoort

Correct your spelling

support

This

Linking Words

inturn, reduces the

overall

Linking Words

burden on

parents

Use synonyms

For example

Linking Words

, in 2020, a study conducted in

china

Capitalize the proper name

China

show examples

Punctuation problem

apply

show examples

showed that

Linking Words

overall

Add an article

the overall

show examples

challenge of

child

Use synonyms

care

Use synonyms

parents

Use synonyms

reduced by 40% because other

members

Use synonyms

of the family asides the

Use synonyms

parents

Punctuation problem

parents,

show examples

got

invovled

Correct your spelling

involved

in school runs.

Also

Linking Words

Parents

Use synonyms

that have help from outsiders

that

Correct pronoun usage

who

show examples

are part of the family

Punctuation problem

apply

show examples

have more

time

Use synonyms

to develop themselves in their career

Punctuation problem

apply

show examples

obtain personal development because

child

Use synonyms

care

Use synonyms

which

Punctuation problem

, which

show examples

takes

great

Add an article

a great

show examples

chunk of their

Use synonyms

time

Punctuation problem

time,

show examples

has been relieved through the assistance given by other

members

Use synonyms

of the family.

Body paragraph 2

In my opinion, I do believe that caring for a

child

Use synonyms

should not be done alone by

parents

Use synonyms

. The involvement of other people helps to ensure that these kids are well guided in

culture

Use synonyms

tradition

Use synonyms

and

morales

Correct your spelling

morals

This

Linking Words

is because, in the family, the aunties, uncles and

grand

Correct your spelling

grandparents

parents

Use synonyms

are well experienced in terms of

culture

Use synonyms

and

tradition

Use synonyms

, from

Punctuation problem

. From

show examples

the wealth of their knowledge, they teach these

children

Use synonyms

the good things about

culture

Use synonyms

and

tradition

Use synonyms

which

Punctuation problem

, which

show examples

helps

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

shape their character in a

positve

Correct your spelling

positive

way.

Undertstanding

Correct your spelling

Understanding

these teachings guides them

postively

Correct your spelling

positively

in the way they act, behave and interact with other

members

Use synonyms

of the society.

Thus

Linking Words

, influencing their development in an excellent manner.

Linking Words

Also

Add a comma

Also,

show examples

these family elders

Punctuation problem

apply

show examples

give advice on positive morals when needed and

also

Linking Words

give corrections when they notice that a

child

Use synonyms

is doing the wrong thing without waiting for the

parents

Use synonyms

to do it

themsleves

Correct your spelling

themselves

This

Linking Words

helps to guide the growth and upbringing of the

child

Use synonyms

in the right

part

Check wording

direction

show examples

Conclusion

To summarise, training of kids

are

Correct subject-verb agreement

show examples

best when the

members

Use synonyms

of the family get involved

instead

Linking Words

of the

Use synonyms

parents

Check wording

parents'

show examples

room because of the

postives

Correct your spelling

positives

such

Linking Words

as relieving stress from the guardians, giving the

parents

Use synonyms

the opportunity to have

time

Use synonyms

for personal growth and career advancement, providing means of

adeqaute

Correct your spelling

adequate

guidance and development in line

Change preposition

with

show examples

culture

Use synonyms

tradition

Use synonyms

and morale. I will recommend that these

gets

Correct subject-verb agreement

get

show examples

embraced by the society and the community at large as

its

Fix the agreement mistake

their

show examples

positives are

ennormous

Correct your spelling

enormous

vnwekwe

Oct 25, 2026

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response

Your view is clear: you agree that the wider family should help. Keep this clear view from the start to the end.

task response

Make each main point more fully clear. Explain how family help can be good for a child, not only how it makes life easier for parents.

task response

The point about culture and good values is useful. Add a real and simple example, such as a grandparent telling family stories or helping a child learn how to treat older people.

task response

Be careful with the study about China. It is very exact, but it is not explained or checked. A simple made-up life example would be safer and more natural.

coherence and cohesion

The essay has a clear start, two main parts, and an ending. This makes it easy to follow.

coherence and cohesion

Use one main idea in each body part. In the first body part, you move from less stress for parents to career growth. These can be split into two clear parts, or linked more directly.

coherence and cohesion

Start each body part with a short main sentence. Then give one or two reasons and one example. This will make the order of ideas clearer.

coherence and cohesion

Use linking words with care. Words such as 'also', 'for example', 'because', and 'therefore' are enough. Do not repeat the same idea in many long sentences.

coherence and cohesion

Your ending repeats the main ideas well, but keep it short. Do not add a new call for society to act at the end, as the question asks for your view.

task response

You answer all parts of the question and clearly state that you agree.

task response

You give more than one reason: family help can lower stress for parents and help children learn family ways and good values.

coherence and cohesion

The use of paragraphs helps the reader see the main parts of your answer.

coherence and cohesion

The first and last parts clearly show your main view, which gives the essay a clear frame.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
8
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
37
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

461 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

7.5
band
In some countries, more and more people are becoming interested in finding out about the history of the house or building they live in.Other people are not interested in it saying it’s boring Discuss both views and give your opinion
Residing in an apartment in a building or your own house has always left us inquisitive about its background. These days, many individuals around the globe, are keen to know about the past history of the place they are living in.However, few do not have the inclination to go into detail and find it rather monotonous. In my view, it is good to have knowledge about the whereabouts of your dwelling.
6
band
In some People continue to commit crimes even after being punished for it. Why do you think this happens? How can crime be stopped? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Nowadays, it is common that ex-offenders violate the law repeatedly although they have been punished. In this essay, I will initially discuss the reasons for this situation, followed by my suggestions which can assist in preventing crimes from happening.
7.5
band
in some countries, more and more people are becoming interested in finding out about the history of the house or building they live in. what are reasons for this? how can people research this?
It is an undeniable fact that exploring the history of one's own premises they live in increases day by day in a few regions. Nowadays, this trend of discovery is growing with time. This essay intends to discuss reasons with satisfactory illustrations and solutions to discover properly before coming to a final conclusion.
6.5
band
Some people think parents should read or tell stories to children. Other think parents needn’t do that as children can read books or watch TV, or movies by themselves. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Some people argue that parents should read or tell stories to their children, while others believe that it is unnecessary as children can read books or watch TV and movies on their own. Both views have their merits, but I believe that parental involvement in storytelling is crucial for a child's development. On the one hand, proponents of children reading books or watching TV independently argue that it fosters independence and critical thinking. They believe that exposure to various forms of media allows children to explore different perspectives and develop their own understanding of the world. Moreover, it can enhance their vocabulary and comprehension skills, which are essential for academic success. On the other hand, advocates for parental involvement in storytelling argue that it strengthens the parent-child bond and nurtures a love for reading. When parents read or tell stories to their children, it creates a special bonding time and fosters a love for literature. Additional...
8.5
band
You hind that your study load is too heavy and you would like to withdraw from two courses. Write a letter to your college teacher explaining why you need to withdraw from two courses. Ask if it is possible to obtain a refund. You should write at least 150 words.
I hope this letter finds you in good health. My name is Jenne Loots, and I am one of your students in the 3rd-semester of computer science. The purpose of my correspondence today is to request you for a refund of two of my courses. Let me explain this in detail.

uIt is better for children if the whole family including aunts, uncles and grandparents are involved in a child’s upbringing, rather than just their parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In some countries, more and more people are becoming interested in finding out about the history of the house or building they live in.Other people are not interested in it saying it’s boring Discuss both views and give your opinion

In some People continue to commit crimes even after being punished for it. Why do you think this happens? How can crime be stopped? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

in some countries, more and more people are becoming interested in finding out about the history of the house or building they live in. what are reasons for this? how can people research this?

Some people think parents should read or tell stories to children. Other think parents needn’t do that as children can read books or watch TV, or movies by themselves. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

You hind that your study load is too heavy and you would like to withdraw from two courses. Write a letter to your college teacher explaining why you need to withdraw from two courses. Ask if it is possible to obtain a refund. You should write at least 150 words.