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Band 5

Technology is becoming progressively universal. In the fullness of time, classroom teachers will be totally substituted for technology. Do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
These days,
technology
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 is increasingly used
in nearly
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apply
show examples
everywhere. It is widely believed that even in
classrooms
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,
technology
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 will completely replace
teachers
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 in the future. I personally disagree with
this
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 view because robotic
teachers
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 cannot fully help
students
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 who struggle in learning,
in addition
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, they cannot discipline those misbehaved young
students
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 who tend to
be
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apply
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fool around
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classrooms
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in classrooms
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.
Body paragraph 1
Firstly
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, robotic
teachers
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 couldn’t understand
students
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’feelings like human
teachers
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,
as a result
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, individual
student
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students
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 might not be able to receive sufficient care and understanding from
such
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 technologies.
For example
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, a student who struggles to keep up with the rest of the class, as a shy person,
he
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apply
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might fail to communicate and speak up
on
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about
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 what he needs
and
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, and
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 unfortunately, ends up having poor
developments
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development
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 in academic and social aspects.
This
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 is the main drawback that even
a world-most
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the world's most
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 advanced
techonology
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technology
 cannot provide to the
classrooms
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.
Body paragraph 2
Secondly
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, there are multiple chances that
classrooms
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 might be
in
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apply
show examples
chaotic
due to
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 misbehaved
students
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and
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, and
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 these cause interruptions in studying. In
this
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 situation, robotic
teachers
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definitly
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definitely
 lack
of
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the
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 ability to control
such
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students
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. Unlike human
teachers
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, they are trained to be able to discipline and teach young
students
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 to be well-behaved.
Therefore
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, robotic
teachers
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, even though they can deliver studying materials well, the best they can do is
assisiting
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assisting
 human
teachers
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.
Conclusion
In conclusion, even though
,
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apply
show examples
technology
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 usage can be prevalent in our everyday life
including
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, including
show examples
classrooms
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.
This
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 advanced
technology
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 is still incapable of providing comprehensive teaching to
students
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,
Add a semicolon
;
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 in
additon
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addition
, they
could not
Wrong verb form
cannot
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 supervise the misbehaved
students
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.
Therefore
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, it is impossible that
technology
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 will fully
substituted
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substitute
show examples
 classroom
teachers
Use synonyms
.

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task response
State your view clearly in the first part, then keep each main part on one reason. Your two reasons are clear: teachers can care for students, and teachers can control the class. Add more detail to show why each reason means technology cannot take the full job.
task response
Make your example more direct. Explain how a human teacher can see that a shy student needs help, ask questions, and give support. Then show why a robot may not do this as well.
task response
Be careful with very strong claims such as “impossible” and “cannot.” A more natural view is that technology can help teachers a lot, but it is unlikely to replace them fully.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: introduction, two main parts, and conclusion. Keep this plan, but make the link between ideas smoother. Use simple links such as “For this reason,” “Also,” and “As a result.”
coherence and cohesion
Start each main part with one clear main idea. For example: “First, human teachers can give emotional support.” Then explain this idea before giving the example.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid long sentences with too many ideas joined by commas. Split them into shorter sentences so the reader can follow your meaning more easily.
coherence and cohesion
Use the same words for the key idea. Choose “technology” or “robot teachers” and use it in a clear way. This will make the essay easier to follow.
task response
You answer the question directly and give a clear view against full replacement of teachers.
task response
Your reasons are on topic and fit the school setting well.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear beginning, two body parts, and an ending.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as “Firstly,” “Secondly,” and “Therefore” help the reader see the main steps in your argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • progressively
  • substituted
  • prevalent
  • crucial
  • enhance
  • support
  • guidance
  • interaction
  • personal touch
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