IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people say that the government should not put money on building theatres and sports stadiums. They should spend more money on medical care and education. Do you agree or disagree?

5.5 / 9
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Introduction
It is argued by some that
stated
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the government should be exclusively funded towards healthcare and education, rather than being spent on public
venues
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 like theatres and
sports
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 stadiums.
Although
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 statement seems valid,
but i
Correct word choice
I
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 completely stand against
with
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this
Linking Words
 stance. I believed that cultural and
sports
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 facilities play an essential role in improving public
health
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, boosting local
econmies
Correct your spelling
economies
, and strengthening community cohesion.
Body paragraph 1
First and foremost, investing in
sports
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 complexes and cultural
venues
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 directly benefits public
health
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 and mental well-being, which ultimately reduces the burden on the medical system. Modern
sports
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 facilities encourage people of all ages to engage in physical activities, helping to prevent chronic illnesses
such
Linking Words
 as obesity, diabetes, and heart disease.
Similarly
Linking Words
, theatres and arts centres serve as critical spaces for creative expression and entertainment, fostering mental
well-beingand
Correct your spelling
well-being and
 reducing stress. If
government
Add an article
the government
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fund
Correct subject-verb agreement
funds
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 only hospitals without creating spaces that promote a healthy, balanced lifestyle, healthcare systems will remain overwhelmed by preventable lifestyle diseases.
Body paragraph 2
Furthermore
Linking Words
, building stadiums and
theartres
Correct your spelling
theatres
 generates substantial economic returns that can actually help fund public services like schools and hospitals. Major sporting and cultural
venues
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 attract local and international tourists, stimulate business for restaurants and hotels, and create thousands of jobs in the service sector. The tax revenues generated from large
sports
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 events or theatrical productions provide governments with additional capital that can be reinvested directly into medical care and education.
Moreover
Linking Words
, these
venues
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 serve as civic landmarks that unite communities and enhance a city's international status.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I firmly disagree that state spending on
spending on
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apply
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sports
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 stadiums and theatres should be abolished in
favor
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favour
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 of healthcare and education.
While
Linking Words
health
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 and schooling are undeniably vital, cultural and athletic
infrastruture
Correct your spelling
infrastructure
 brings preventive
health
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 advantages, economic prosperity, and social benefits that are equally indispensable for a flourishing society.

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task response
Your view is clear: you disagree with the idea of spending money only on health care and schools. To make your answer stronger, say that health care and education must still get enough money, while some money can also go to sport and arts places.
task response
Your main points are useful and stay on the topic. Add one real or more exact example, such as a city sports centre that helps young people exercise, or a theatre festival that brings visitors to local shops.
task response
The health point is strong. Explain the link a little more: regular exercise may lower the number of people who need care for health problems caused by little activity.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear order: introduction, health point, money point, and conclusion. Each body part has one main idea, so it is easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. In the first paragraph, do not use both “Although” and “but” in the same sentence. Choose one: “Although this idea seems valid, I disagree,” or “This idea seems valid, but I disagree.”
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are long. Split them into two shorter sentences to make the meaning clearer. For example, first state that venues bring visitors, then explain how visitors help hotels, shops, and jobs.
coherence and cohesion
Check repeated words and small errors that may slow the reader down, such as “spending on spending on”, “theatres”, “infrastructure”, “economies”, and “well-being.”
task response
You answer the question directly and keep the same clear view from the start to the end.
task response
The ideas about exercise, mental health, jobs, visitors, and public money are relevant and well chosen.
coherence and cohesion
Your paragraphs are well planned, and the conclusion clearly brings the main ideas together.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as “First and foremost”, “Furthermore”, and “In conclusion” help guide the reader through your essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • public funding
  • government budget
  • essential public services
  • medical treatment
  • well-equipped hospitals
  • qualified healthcare staff
  • equal access to education
  • improve educational standards
  • long-term economic growth
  • cultural heritage
  • community facilities
  • promote an active lifestyle
  • prevent health problems
  • international sporting events
  • attract tourists
  • create employment opportunities
  • a balanced approach
  • allocate resources wisely
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