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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things that we really do not need. Others say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives. Which viewpoint do you agree with? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

6.5 / 9
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Introduction
In today’s society, advertising is an omnipresent force influencing our daily choices.
While
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 some people argue that commercials and advertisements primarily inform
consumers
Use synonyms
 about
innovations
Replace the word
innovative
 products that can enhance their quality of life, others contend that their main purpose is to create artificial desires for unnecessary goods. In my view,
while
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 advertising does provide useful information about new innovations, its primary psychological effect is to manipulate
consumers
Use synonyms
 into purchasing items they do not truly need.
Body paragraph 1
On
one
Add an article
the one
show examples
 hand, proponents of advertising point out its informative function. Modern advertisements serve as a bridge between innovators and
consumers
Use synonyms
, introducing breakthrough technologies or services that genuinely improve everyday life.
For instance
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, the promotion of smart home
energy saving
Correct your spelling
energy-saving
 devices or advanced ergonomic chairs informs buyers about solutions that can lower utility bills or prevent chronic back pain. Without targeted advertising, many individuals would remain unaware of products that save time, improve health, or increase efficiency. In
this
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 sense, advertising acts as an educational tool that helps
consumers
Use synonyms
 make better-informed decisions.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, the vast majority of contemporary advertising relies on persuasive tactics designed to trigger emotional rather than rational responses. Modern marketers employ sophisticated psychological strategies
such
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 as
capitalizing
Change the spelling
capitalising
show examples
 on the fear of missing out, leveraging celebrity endorsements, and creating artificial scarcity to convince people that their current lifestyle is inadequate without a specific product. A prime example of
this
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 is the smartphone industry, where annual release campaigns push
consumers
Use synonyms
 to upgrade perfectly functional devices simply to possess the latest model or status symbol.
This
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 continuous cycle of artificial obsolescence fosters a culture of materialism, leading individuals to spend money on non-essential luxuries at the expense of financial stability and environmental sustainability.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 advertising plays a legitimate role in introducing useful innovations to the market, I believe its predominant impact is negative. By appealing to vanity, status and impulse, advertising frequently persuades people to accumulate possessions that add little genuine value to their lives.

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task response
Your view is clear from the start and stays the same: ads can give useful news, but they more often make people want things they do not need. To make your answer even stronger, add one short real-life example, such as a phone ad that made you or someone you know want to change a phone that still worked well.
task response
Your ideas are well explained. The first main part shows how ads can help people find useful things, and the second main part shows how ads can lead to waste. You could make the link to the question even more direct by saying why the bad side is stronger than the good side for most people.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow. It has a clear start, two main parts, and a clear end. Each part has one main idea and then gives reasons and an example.
coherence and cohesion
Your linking words work well, such as “On one hand”, “On the other hand”, “For instance”, and “In conclusion”. Try not to use long sentences too often. A few shorter sentences would make your points even clearer and easier to read.
coherence and cohesion
The last paragraph matches the view in the first paragraph and brings the essay to a clear close. You can improve flow by using simpler word groups in a few places, for example “new products” instead of “new innovations products”.
task response
You answer both sides of the question and clearly state which side you agree with.
task response
The smartphone example is useful and fits your main point about people buying things they do not really need.
coherence and cohesion
Your paragraph order is strong: useful ads first, harmful ads next, then a final view.
coherence and cohesion
Ideas move in a clear order, and each main part is well supported with reasons.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • encourage
  • persuade
  • manipulative
  • unnecessary
  • excessive
  • artificial needs
  • desires
  • consumers
  • oversaturation
  • impulse buying
  • financial problems
  • inform
  • educate
  • features
  • benefits
  • innovations
  • raise awareness
  • social issues
  • positive behavior
  • enrich
  • well-being
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