IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people say that rich countries should assist poor countries by sharing their wealth. Others say that it is the responsibility of the governments of poor countries to take care of their own people. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

4.5 / 9
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Introduction
In twentiy first century word has
economically
Verb problem
been economically
show examples
 divided
in to
Correct your spelling
into
 two main sectors
as
Punctuation problem
:
show examples
 rich and poor
countries
Use synonyms
. Some of the rich
countries
Use synonyms
 have
money historically
Correct word order
historically had money
show examples
. Another set of
counties
Use synonyms
obtain
Correct subject-verb agreement
obtains
show examples
 that status by make stratagic decicions.
However
Linking Words
 their is a discussion on
table
Add an article
the table
show examples
 that rich
Use synonyms
counties
Use the right word
countries
show examples
 should help poor
counties
Use synonyms
 for their development. I have mixed ideas on
this
Linking Words
 matter. I
dont
Correct your spelling
don't
 believe that witout proper plan, any country can become rich, even though they got lot of funds
form
Use the right word
from
show examples
 developed nations.
Body paragraph 1
County
Add an article
A county
show examples
 can be collapsed
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
 various ways, by
studieng
Correct your spelling
studying
 the
history
Punctuation problem
history,
show examples
 we can undestand their is nothing
permenent
Correct your spelling
permanent
.
Such
Linking Words
 as bad decisions,
exposed
Replace the word
exposure
 to war, invades. natural
desasters
Correct your spelling
disasters
 few from that. There
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 plenty of examples that historians find that some states had all the
resourses
Correct your spelling
resources
 collapsed for
reason
Add an article
a reason
show examples
. I believe that if any rich country can give
aids
Check wording
aid
show examples
 to restore
there
Use the right word
their
show examples
 system with what they lose. That would be
helpfull
Correct your spelling
helpful
 to poor
Use synonyms
counties
Use the right word
countries
show examples
 to stand up by there own. There was
a
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 example of East
germany
Capitalize the proper name
Germany
show examples
. That country
was
Verb problem
apply
show examples
gradually
become
Wrong verb form
became
show examples
 poor after the world war 2
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 with the help of
USA
Add an article
the USA
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, UK and
France
Punctuation problem
France,
show examples
 they start recover
there
Use the right word
its
show examples
 status.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there is lot of
countes
Correct your spelling
counties
 historically poor
due to
Linking Words
 various reasons. Some
countries
Use synonyms
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 no intention to become
indipendent
Correct your spelling
independent
 from
geting
Correct your spelling
getting
 funds from other
Use synonyms
counties
Use the right word
countries
show examples
. I
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
 without impliment a proper
policys
Correct your spelling
policies
 and redusing the corruption
not
Punctuation problem
, not
show examples
 any fund utilised for
development
Add an article
the development
show examples
 of those
countries
Use synonyms
.
Conclusion
As a
conclution
Correct your spelling
conclusion
, many contries looking
support
Change preposition
for support
show examples
 from rich countires for make there contires get funds to reduce
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
poverty. To
this
Linking Words
I
Punctuation problem
,
show examples
 rich
countries
Use synonyms
 can help them
various
Change preposition
in various
show examples
 ways
like
Punctuation problem
, like
show examples
makeing
Correct your spelling
making
 tax
benifits
Correct your spelling
benefits
,
open
Wrong verb form
opening
show examples
 trade agreements with those
countries
Use synonyms
etc
Punctuation problem
, etc
show examples
. Funding blindly wont benifit any one at all.

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task response
You discuss both views and give your own view, which is good. However, make your own view more clear from the start. Say that rich countries should help, but help should be linked to good plans and less corruption.
task response
Develop each main idea more. Explain why aid can help after war or a natural event, and explain why poor government work can stop aid from helping people.
task response
Use examples with care. The East Germany example is not fully clear, so explain exactly what help was given and how it helped. One clear, true example is better than a short unclear one.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two main parts, and a conclusion. Keep this shape, but make the first line of each main part clearly show the view you will discuss.
coherence and cohesion
Some ideas are hard to follow because many sentences are incomplete or joined in an unclear way. Use short sentences: one main idea, then one reason, then one example.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple link words to guide the reader: 'On the one hand', 'For example', 'As a result', 'However', and 'In conclusion'. Do not use too many links in one sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Keep the same key words where possible. For example, use 'rich countries', 'poor countries', 'aid', and 'governments' in a steady way instead of changing between many forms.
task response
You answer both sides of the question and state that giving money without a plan may not work.
task response
You give useful ideas about war, natural events, bad decisions, and corruption.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is divided into clear parts: an opening, two body parts, and an ending.
coherence and cohesion
The move to the second view with 'On the other hand' helps the reader see the change in focus.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • wealth distribution
  • financial assistance
  • international aid
  • humanitarian relief
  • basic public services
  • healthcare facilities
  • clean water supply
  • economic development
  • long-term investment
  • reduce poverty
  • government accountability
  • transparent use of funds
  • political corruption
  • poor financial management
  • create dependency
  • self-reliance
  • sustainable development
  • job creation
  • international cooperation
  • reach local communities
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