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Band 4

In many countries today, the eating habits and lifestyles of children are different from those of the previous generations. Some people say this has had a negative effect on their health. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

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Introduction
In recent years, some people believe that changes in eating habits and lifestyles from the previous generation on
children
Use synonyms
 have had a negative impact on their
health
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. I strongly agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement
considering
Punctuation problem
, considering
show examples
 high consumption
in processed-
Change preposition
of processed food
show examples
food
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 and digital information.
Body paragraph 1
Firstly
Linking Words
,
increased
Replace the word
an increase
 in the consumption of processed
food
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have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 negatively impacted
children
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's
health
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.
This
Linking Words
 is because these foods often contain high amounts of sugar, salt,
simple-carbohydrates
Correct your spelling
simple carbohydrates
, and unhealthy fats.
For example
Linking Words
, a bowl of cereal contains a lot of sugar but lacks nutritional value.
As a result
Linking Words
,
children
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 may have a higher
risky
Replace the word
risk
 of obesity and experiencing impaired growth.
Body paragraph 2
Secondly
Linking Words
, digital marketing encourages
children
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 to consume unhealthy
food
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 and drinks. Many advertisements on social media, gaming platforms, and video-sharing applications use colourful visuals, popular influencers, and special promotions to attract young audiences.
Consequently
Linking Words
,
children
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 may develop a preference for sugary snacks and fast
food
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instead
Linking Words
 of healthier options
such
Linking Words
 as fruits and home-cooked meals.
This
Linking Words
 can worsen their eating habits and increase the risk of
health
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 problems over time.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I strongly agree that changes in
children
Use synonyms
’s diets and lifestyles have harmed their
health
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. The growing consumption of processed
food
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 and the persuasive influence of digital marketing can lead
children
Use synonyms
 towards unhealthy eating habits, increasing their risk of obesity and poor physical development.

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task response
Your view is clear from the start and stays the same: you agree that modern food and life can harm children’s health. To make the answer stronger, discuss lifestyle more fully, not only food and ads. For example, add a short point about children spending less time playing or doing sport because of phones and games.
task response
Develop each main point with one more clear link to health. In the first body part, explain how too much sugar and fat can lead to weight gain. In the second, explain that ads may make children ask for these foods more often, so they eat them more often.
task response
The cereal example is useful, but it could be more exact. You could say that some sweet cereals give children much sugar but do not give enough protein, fruit, or other good food.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear four-part plan: opening, two main parts, and ending. Keep this plan, as it makes your ideas easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Your first main part is about processed food, while your second is about digital ads. Make the link between them clearer: ads are a cause of poor food choice, not a separate health issue. A sentence such as “This makes the problem of processed food worse” would help.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear topic sentences at the start of each main part. For example: “One main reason is that children now eat more processed food.” Then give the reason, example, and result in that order.
task response
You answer the question directly and clearly state your strong agreement.
task response
Your points are on topic and your examples of cereal, social media, games, and fast food fit the subject well.
coherence and cohesion
The use of “Firstly”, “Secondly”, “For example”, “As a result”, “Consequently”, and “In conclusion” helps the reader follow the essay.
coherence and cohesion
The ending clearly repeats your main view and brings the two main ideas together.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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