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Band 4.5

More and more work is being carried out by machines in all areas of our lives. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this development?

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Introduction
More and more
work
Use synonyms
 is being carried out by
machines
Use synonyms
 in all areas of our lives. What are the advantages and
disadvantages
Use synonyms
 of
this
Linking Words
 development? Discuss with appropriate examples.
Body paragraph 1
The trend of increasing the number of
work
Use synonyms
 carried out by
machines
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, leading to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
multiple consequences and reflection which include the advantages and
disadvantages
Use synonyms
 of
this
Linking Words
 development. The following paragraph will examine the topic in detail with relevant examples.
Body paragraph 2
A major benefit from the upcoming
work
Use synonyms
that is
Linking Words
 produced by
machines
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 is the lower expenses in the particular business sector, human
working-time
Correct your spelling
working time
 is limited
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 some
machines
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 can provide more efficiency and amount of
work
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 as well.
For instance
Linking Words
, there are self-cashiers in supermarkets,
which
Correct pronoun usage
where
show examples
machines
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 replace the
labor
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labour
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, another advantage is the daily facilities, many people will be able to spend time on their personal life rather than
do
Wrong verb form
doing
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 housework
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
machines
Use synonyms
 can carry out the responsibility.
Body paragraph 3
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are
also
Linking Words
the
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apply
show examples
disadvantages
Use synonyms
, the increasing number of
work
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 done by
machine
Check wording
machines
show examples
 resulting in the unemployment of workers, leading to the loss of income.
Apart from
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, several of them are new innovations that can create a mistake or malfunction in their system
,
Add a semicolon
;
show examples
 they still require human control and the expense in maintenance
Linking Words
such
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, such
show examples
 as fixing or replacing broken fragments.
Moreover
Linking Words
, some
machines
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 create air pollution and noise pollution, especially in factory production, leading to
the
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apply
show examples
environmental issues in that area.
Conclusion
In conclusion, the upcoming
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
work
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that is
Linking Words
 carried out by
machine
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machines
show examples
 displays enormous
disadvantages
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 in
business
Add an article
the business
show examples
 sector and
dailyhood
Check wording
daily life
show examples
,
while
Linking Words
 there are
disadvantages
Use synonyms
 in unemployment and environmental problems as well.

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task response
Answer both parts in a clear way. You give good points on cost, free time, job loss, repair cost, and pollution. However, some points need more detail. Explain how each point affects people, firms, or the world.
task response
Use more clear and real examples. The self-checkout example is useful, but explain that one worker may watch many machines, so a shop may pay less. For housework, name a machine such as a washing machine or robot cleaner.
task response
Make your final view clear. The last part says there are both good and bad sides, but it does not say which side is more important, or how people can deal with the bad sides.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part shape: start, good sides, bad sides, and end. Keep this shape, but make the first and last parts more direct and easy to read.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body part with one simple main idea. Then add an explanation and an example. For example: "One key good side is lower cost." After that, explain why machines can work longer and faster.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow because the grammar and word order are not clear. Write shorter sentences. For example, change "the increasing number of work done by machine resulting in the unemployment" to "More machines can cause job loss for some workers."
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. "Moreover" is used many times. Try "For example", "As a result", "However", and "In addition" only when they show a clear link.
task response
You cover both the good and bad sides of machines at work and at home.
task response
You include relevant ideas, such as lower business cost, more free time, job loss, repair needs, and pollution.
coherence and cohesion
Your body parts are set out in a logical order: good sides first, then bad sides.
coherence and cohesion
You use some linking words, such as "On the other hand" and "For instance", to guide the reader.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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