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Band 4.5

There is an increasing trend around the world to have a small family rather tahan a large family. What are some of the advantages and disadvntages of having a small family rather than a large family?

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Introduction
The topic of whether having a small family is a good thing has sparked considerable debate in recent years. Some people believe that having a small family rather than a large family has several
benefits
Use synonyms
 that will affect people`s lives,
while
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 others believe that the drawbacks exceed the
benefits
Use synonyms
.
This
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 essay will explore the advantages and disadvantages of having a small family rather than a large family.
Body paragraph 1
On one hand, the major benefit of having a small family rather than a large family is that individuals might
affect
Wrong verb form
be affected
show examples
 financially. The main reason is that having
large
Add an article
a large
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 family might consume more resources.
For instance
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,if a man has
large
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a large
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 family, he must pay a high
bill
Correct word choice
electricity bill
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 of electricity.
In addition
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, having a small family not only
affect
Correct subject-verb agreement
affects
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 them financially, but it
is
Correct word order
can also
show examples
also
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 can allow people to have
small
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a small
show examples
 house.
For example
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, if a man has a low salary, he can buy
small
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a small
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 house
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 it will be suitable for him because he has a small family.
Body paragraph 2
On the
hand
Correct determiner usage
one hand
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, despite having several
benefits
Use synonyms
 of having a small family rather than a large family, there are many drawbacks as well.
First,
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the family might feel bored because they do not have a
big
Correct word choice
large
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 number of members to do
a
Correct article usage
apply
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magnificent
actvities
Correct your spelling
activities
such
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 as camping and hiking.
For instance
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, if a big family goes trip, they will spend a marvellous time.
Furthermore
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, having
small
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a small
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 family might suffer from
lack
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a lack
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 of support.
Conclusion
To sum up
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,
while
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 having a small family rather than a large family
affer
Correct subject-verb agreement
affords
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 significant
benefits
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of
Change preposition
to
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 people`s lives, it is important to acknowledge the drawbacks
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such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as feeling bored and suffering from the lack of support.

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Task response
Answer both parts in equal detail. Your main good points are cost and a smaller home. Your main bad points are less fun and less support. Explain each point more clearly: why does it happen, and how does it affect family life?
Task response
Some ideas are too general. For example, say that fewer children can mean lower food, school, health, and home costs. For support, explain that one child may have fewer close family members to help in hard times.
Task response
Use examples that fit the point. The example about an electricity bill is very small. A better example is that parents with two children may save money for school, health care, or a better home.
Coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two body parts, and an end. However, make the second body paragraph clearer by using one paragraph for one main bad point, or by giving each bad point its own clear support.
Coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a more natural way. Use “On the other hand” instead of “On the hand”. Also use links such as “As a result”, “For this reason”, and “However” to show how one idea leads to the next.
Coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating “having a small family rather than a large family” many times. After the first use, write “a small family”, “this choice”, or “such families” to make the writing flow better.
Coherence and cohesion
Make your topic sentences direct. For example: “A small family can reduce daily costs.” Then explain the idea and give one clear example.
Task response
You discuss both the good and bad sides of small families, so your answer stays on the topic.
Task response
You give real-life examples about money, housing, trips, and family support.
Coherence and cohesion
The introduction tells the reader what the essay will discuss, and the end gives a short summary.
Coherence and cohesion
You use useful signposts such as “On one hand”, “For instance”, “Furthermore”, and “To sum up”.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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