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Writing Samples
Band 7

Doctors in many countries say that people do not do enough physical exercise. What are the causes of this trend? How can the situation be improved?

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Introduction
More and more physicians think that the physical activities that most
people
Use synonyms
 do are not enough, and many of them want to know the main reason and the appropriate method to solve
this
Linking Words
 issue. From my perspective,
this
Linking Words
 is because of poor
time
Use synonyms
 management, and it can be solved by raising awareness.
Body paragraph 1
First of all, I would argue that ineffective
time
Use synonyms
 management is the root cause of why
people
Use synonyms
 do not do exercises. The argument is that individuals spend their
time
Use synonyms
 on entertainment after a working shift, which makes them unable to practice sports.
This
Linking Words
 phenomenon will increase the number of
people
Use synonyms
 with chronic diseases, ultimately leading to a poor
healthcare
Use synonyms
 system. A study conducted by the Department of Sport Sciences at Melbourne University in 2025 concluded that 85% employees in Australia did not do enough exercise.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the
healthcare
Use synonyms
 system will deteriorate
due to
Linking Words
 the presence of
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon.
Body paragraph 2
In addition
Linking Words
, I am convinced that rising awareness about the importance of sports is the solution to
this
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 concern. What I mean is that
this
Linking Words
 process will encourage individuals to manage their
time
Use synonyms
 in order to enhance their health.
This
Linking Words
 proposal will increase the number of athletes in society, which in turn improves the
healthcare
Use synonyms
 outcomes.
For instance
Linking Words
, a company provides a course about the relationship between sport and health for its employees.
As a result
Linking Words
, the
healthcare
Use synonyms
 system is expected to improve if that method is taken into account.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 poor
time
Use synonyms
 management has affected
people
Use synonyms
's health in a negative way,
this
Linking Words
 issue will be solved by raising awareness.

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task response
You answer both parts of the question: why people exercise less and how to improve the problem. To make your answer stronger, give more than one main cause and one clear way to help. For example, long work hours, travel time, and phone use can all leave people with less time or energy.
task response
Some ideas are too broad. Explain how poor time use leads to less exercise, then show why this is a main cause. Also, focus on direct results, such as weight gain, heart problems, and low mood, instead of saying the whole health care system will become poor.
task response
Your solution needs more detail. Say who should raise awareness and how: schools can teach health, companies can give short exercise breaks, and local groups can offer free classes. Explain why each step may work.
task response
Be careful with facts that are not fully shown, such as the study with 85% of workers. A simple, realistic example is often better unless you can clearly support the fact.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two body parts, and an ending. Keep this shape, but make the link between each point clearer. Start each body part with one direct main idea, then add an explanation and example.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating the same idea about the health care system. This makes the first body part feel less focused. Use the space to explain the cause in more depth.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple link words in a natural way: 'This is because', 'For example', 'As a result', and 'To deal with this'. Make sure each sentence follows the one before it.
coherence and cohesion
Some phrases are not clear enough, such as 'the presence of this phenomenon' and 'if that method is taken into account'. Use direct words instead: 'if people continue to avoid exercise' and 'if companies offer this course'.
task response
You give a clear view in the first paragraph and answer both parts of the question.
task response
The example of a company teaching workers about sport and health is linked to your solution.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow because it has an introduction, two main body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use helpful signposts such as 'First of all', 'In addition', 'For instance', and 'In conclusion'.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • urban environments
  • public spaces
  • streaming services
  • engage in physical activities
  • physical activities
  • dependency on cars
  • maintaining good health
  • awareness
  • motivational
  • urbanization
  • commitments
  • sedentary work life
  • technology
  • busy schedules
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