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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many people believe that in order to have clean and tidy streets in their neighbourhood, this should be the residents's responsibility; while others think, it shoud be the government's duty. What is your opinion?

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Introduction
The issue of who is responsible for the street's cleanliness, the government or the residents, has attracted considerable attention in recent years.
While
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 perspectives on
this
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 matter vary, I clearly agree that it is the citizens' duty because it is considered as their living environment.
Therefore
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, they should maintain it.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
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 with, one compelling argument is that individuals should have a sense of responsibility for their hometown. A growing body of evidence suggests that the percentage of throwing the garbage in the street will decrease
due to
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 the knowledge that they will clean it eventually.
For instance
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, an example of
this
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 can be seen in the children who grew up watching their parents taking care of the neighbourhood's cleanliness.
This
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 will create a responsible generation and eliminate the inappropriate behaviors.
As a result
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,
this
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 will create a community with a great attitude.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, others believe that the residents will not make a commitment.
This
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 is largely because they agree that the sanitation workers will do a better job.
For example
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, if the government hires sanitation workers, they will do their jobs daily at designated working times.
While
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 if the citizens take care of the job, they will get busy with their own lives.
Consequently
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, the neighbourhood will end up being a nasty place.
Conclusion
To sum up
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,
although
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 the government can take excellent care of
this
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, the analysis above makes it evident that it will be more beneficial if the residents take
this
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 duty. Given all
substantial
Add an article
the substantial
show examples
 evidence, it is reasonable to anticipate that if every individual commits to do his part, it will build a united community.

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Task response
Give a clearer answer from the start. You say that people should keep streets clean, but later you show why the government may do a better job. Explain why people should still have the main duty, while the government also helps.
Task response
Develop each main point more fully. Explain how people can help in real life, such as not dropping waste, sorting waste, and joining local clean-up days. Then explain what the government should do, such as giving bins and collecting waste.
Task response
Use more real and clear examples. The example about children is useful, but show a full case: parents keep the area clean, children learn from them, and there is less waste over time.
Coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part shape: opening, two body parts, and ending. However, the second body part seems to go against your main view. Link it back clearly by saying that this is a problem, but it does not mean people have no duty.
Coherence and cohesion
Make the link between ideas smoother. Some lines repeat the same point, such as “this will create”. Use clear links like “because of this”, “however”, “for this reason”, and “as a result” only when they show the exact link.
Coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each body part. In the first body part, focus on why people should act. In the second, explain the limits of this idea and why government help is still needed. This will make your view easier to follow.
Task response
You answer the question directly and give your own view in the opening and ending.
Task response
You discuss both people and the government, so the response covers both sides of the question.
Coherence and cohesion
The opening and ending are present, and your main view is easy to find.
Coherence and cohesion
You use paragraphing and basic linking words, such as “To begin with”, “On the other hand”, and “To sum up”, to guide the reader.
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