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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In order to study at universities students are required to pay expensive tuition fees. Not all of the students can afford them so some people think that university education should be free for everyone. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

4.5 / 9
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Introduction
Education
Use synonyms
 has become an essential need for everyone. Having an educated population in a
country
Use synonyms
 helps the development of the
country
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many
Change preposition
in many
show examples
 ways.
Due to
Linking Words
 expensiveness of
bare
Wrong verb form
bearing
show examples
 the
tution
Correct your spelling
tuition
fees
Punctuation problem
fees,
show examples
 many people left out
Use synonyms
education
Change preposition
of education
show examples
 early. People argue that
addapting
Correct your spelling
adapting
 equal opportunities to get
education
Use synonyms
bacame
Correct your spelling
became
 a need regardless of depending it on their background. They are showing that talented individuals
not
Verb problem
are not
show examples
 left out from educatioal system because of financial issues. I personally believe that having
Use synonyms
education
Add an article
an education
show examples
 must be fair to everyone
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
this
Linking Words
 should not depend on their financial
status
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.
Body paragraph 1
Unlike
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 past ages, having a proper
education
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 is one of the
important
Rephrase
most important
show examples
thing
Check wording
things
show examples
 to enter
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
jobs. Because of
this
Linking Words
individuals
Punctuation problem
, individuals
show examples
 who compete for that should not
be relay
Verb problem
rely
show examples
 on their financial
status
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. If anyone has skills should be
validate for enter to
Correct word order
validated to enter
show examples
 the jobs despite of depending on thire fiancial
status
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.
However
Linking Words
 government has
massive
Add an article
a massive
show examples
 responsibility to aid those skilled individuals by providing
scollarships
Correct your spelling
scholarships
, discounts
etc
Punctuation problem
, etc
show examples
. With
Linking Words
this
Add a comma
this,
show examples
 those students can
be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
compete in the edcation and after that they will be adding more
values
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value
show examples
 to
economy
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the economy
show examples
 and
society
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 with their
knowladge
Correct your spelling
knowledge
 and skills.
Body paragraph 2
Furthermore
Linking Words
, having
educated
Add an article
an educated
show examples
society
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 will benifits to the
country
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many
Change preposition
in many
show examples
 ways.
Educated
Add an article
An educated
show examples
society
Use synonyms
 takes forward standeds of the
country
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. For that
many
Punctuation problem
, many
show examples
 governments
makes
Correct subject-verb agreement
make
show examples
 changes
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their constitusions that to
having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
education
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 free of charge.
This
Linking Words
Linking Words
also
Verb problem
is also
show examples
 a huge step forward to give access to all the student without checking their background.
Body paragraph 3
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some educational institutes
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
 providing educational
qualification
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qualifications
show examples
 free of charge will
devalues
Wrong verb form
devalue
show examples
 the quality of the qualification. But we can
saw
Wrong verb form
see
show examples
 many top educational institutes and countries
had
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 developed free
education
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 systems that regulate the quality of the
qualification
Check wording
qualifications
show examples
 that they award.
Conclusion
Finally
Linking Words
,
Educated
Correct article usage
an educated
show examples
society
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 is
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
one of the wealth that any
country
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 can have. To expand
this
Linking Words
people
Punctuation problem
, people
show examples
 should not be left out because of their financial
status
Use synonyms
 and their background.
However
Linking Words
,
provide
Wrong verb form
providing
show examples
 free
education
Use synonyms
 will be
benifits
Correct your spelling
beneficial
 to all
the
Change preposition
of
show examples
society
Use synonyms
 in different ways. For
this
Linking Words
 government should
impliment
Correct your spelling
implement
 changes to allow their citisens to access to
education
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Make your main view clearer in the first part. You say education should be fair, but the question asks if university should be free for everyone. State clearly that you agree, disagree, or partly agree.
task response
Develop each main idea with a clear reason and a real or clear example. For example, explain how free university can help a skilled student from a low-income family get a job and help the country.
task response
Deal more fully with the other view. You mention that free education may lower quality, but explain why you do not agree, or show how the state can keep high standards.
task response
Avoid very broad claims such as "educated society takes forward standards of the country." Say exactly what may improve, such as health, work, science, or public services.
coherence and cohesion
Use one clear main idea in each body paragraph. Your first body paragraph is about jobs, money, and state help. Split or link these ideas more clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body paragraph with a direct topic sentence. For example: "Free university would give able students a fair chance." Then give reasons and an example.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words carefully. Words like "However" and "Furthermore" are helpful, but make sure the next sentence clearly follows the one before it.
coherence and cohesion
Make the last paragraph shorter and stronger. Repeat your view in one clear sentence, then give the main reason: free university gives more people a fair chance and helps the country.
task response
You answer the main subject and keep a clear view that money should not stop able students from going to university.
task response
You include both sides of the discussion by noting a possible concern about the quality of free education.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear overall shape: an opening, body paragraphs, an opposite view, and a final paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
You use some helpful signposting words, such as "Furthermore," "On the other hand," and "Finally."
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • tuition fees
  • financial background
  • equal opportunities
  • economic growth
  • educated workforce
  • innovation
  • productivity
  • tax revenues
  • devaluation of degrees
  • financial burden
  • higher taxes
  • essential services
  • perceived value
  • motivation
  • financial stake
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