IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Governments and big companies should wok together to reverse environmental damages, rather than expecting individuals to take responsibility. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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Introduction
Some people
argut
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argue
 that
governmets
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governments
 and big corporations should
coloborate
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collaborate
 to change enviromental situation for
better
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the better
show examples
,
rathen
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rather
 than people
take
Wrong verb form
taking
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 responsibility. I
largery
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largely
 agree with
this
Linking Words
 view because they have more resources than individuals and big
companies
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 could affect
market
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the market
show examples
 for cleaner production.
Body paragraph 1
One of the main reasons why I support
this
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 view is that governments and major
companies
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 have far more money, authority and resources than ordinary citizens.
In other words
Linking Words
, they can
use
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 those resources to introduce
strcit enviromental
Correct your spelling
strict environmental
 laws.
For example
Linking Words
, limit factory emissions and taxes on single-
use
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 plastics.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, they can invest in public transport, renewable energy and recycling systems.
As a result
Linking Words
, metropolises and other cities become cleaner and less-gass emissoned.
Body paragraph 2
Another important reason is that corporations can reduce
Use synonyms
use
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the use
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 of
enviromental
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environmentally
 harmful
materials
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 and
use
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 sustainable
materials
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. Most of the packages made of plastic and other non-organic
materaials
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materials
 dissolve for years and could be toxic to wild nature, reducing
number
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the number
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 of these
materials
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 would affect nature for good.
For example
Linking Words
, if
companies
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 collect millions of cans and glass bottles lay on the oceans
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 harm
fishes
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fish
show examples
 and other animals, the flora and fauna in most of the regions
in
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of
show examples
 the world will heal
itself
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themselves
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 little by little.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I believe that governments and major
companies
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 must work together for a better future of our planet and
enviroment
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environment
 because they own enough
resoruces
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resources
 to introduce new restrictions and taxes against factories and affect other
compnies
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companies
 to
use
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 less harmful
materials
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.

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Task response
Your view is clear: you agree that governments and large companies should lead. To make it stronger, also say that people still have a small but real part, such as using less plastic and sorting waste.
Task response
Develop each main idea more fully. Explain how laws are checked, how firms change what they make, and why these actions can cut harm on a large scale.
Task response
Use more exact examples. For instance, a city can charge for plastic bags, or a firm can sell goods in glass or paper packs. Make clear how each example proves your point.
Coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, two body parts, and an ending. Keep one main idea in each body part and make the first line of each part state that idea clearly.
Coherence and cohesion
Some links between ideas need to be clearer. In the second body part, the sentence about firms collecting cans and bottles does not fully match the point about using safe materials. Use one clear path: less plastic in packs leads to less waste in seas.
Coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. Words such as “For example”, “As a result”, and “In addition” are useful, but make sure the next sentence directly follows the one before it.
Coherence and cohesion
Avoid very long sentences with many ideas. Split them into two or three short sentences so the reader can follow your meaning more easily.
Task response
You answer the main question directly and keep the same view from the start to the end.
Task response
Your two key reasons are useful: large groups have more money and power, and firms can change the goods they make and sell.
Coherence and cohesion
Your paragraph order is easy to follow: first government power, then company action, then a short ending.
Coherence and cohesion
You use clear signposts, such as “One of the main reasons”, “Another important reason”, and “In conclusion”.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • environmental damage
  • reverse the damage
  • shared responsibility
  • take the lead
  • strict regulations
  • enforce environmental laws
  • carbon emissions
  • industrial pollution
  • renewable energy
  • public transport network
  • waste management systems
  • single-use plastics
  • sustainable materials
  • cleaner production methods
  • energy-efficient technology
  • corporate responsibility
  • consumer behaviour
  • eco-friendly products
  • large-scale investment
  • protect natural resources
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