IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

governmt and big companies should work together to reverse enviromental situatuon, rather than individuals. What would you agree with?

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Introduction
Some people argue that governments and big corporations should collaborate to change enviromental situation for the better, rather than people taking responsibility. I largely agree with
this
Linking Words
 view because they have more
resources
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 than individuals
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 big
companies
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 could affect the market for cleaner production.
Body paragraph 1
One of the main reasons why I support
this
Linking Words
 view is that governments and major
companies
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 have far more money, authority and
resources
Use synonyms
 than ordinary citizens.
In other words
Linking Words
, they can
use
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 those
resources
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 to introduce strict environmental laws.
For example
Linking Words
, limit factory emissions and taxes on single-
use
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 plastics.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, they can invest in public transport, renewable energy and recycling systems.
As a result
Linking Words
, metropolises and other cities become cleaner and less-gass emissoned.
Body paragraph 2
Another important reason is that corporations can reduce the
use
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 of environmentally harmful
materials
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 and
use
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 sustainable
materials
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. Most of the packages made of plastic and other non-organic
materials
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 dissolve for years and could be toxic to wild nature
, reducing
Punctuation problem
. Reducing
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 the
number
Check wording
use
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 of these
materials
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 would affect nature for good.
For example
Linking Words
, if
companies
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 collect millions of cans and glass bottles lay on the oceans , which harm fish and other animals, the flora and fauna in most of the regions of the world will heal themselves little by little.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I believe that governments and major
companies
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 must work together for a better future of our planet and environment because they
own
Verb problem
have
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 enough
resources
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 to introduce new restrictions and taxes against factories and
affect
Verb problem
encourage
show examples
 other
companies
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 to
use
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 less harmful
materials
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.

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task response
Make your view even clearer in the first paragraph. You say you largely agree, but also say that people should not take responsibility. Add one short line to show that people can still help, even if the main work must come from governments and large firms.
task response
Develop each main idea with a clearer cause and result. For example, explain how a law on factory smoke can make the air cleaner, or how less plastic packing can cut waste in rivers and seas.
task response
Use examples that are real and easy to understand. In the second body paragraph, companies do not usually collect cans and bottles from the ocean. A better example is that firms can use less plastic, reuse glass, or make packing that can break down safely.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear shape: an opening, two main paragraphs, and an ending. Keep this plan, but make the first sentence of each body paragraph state one exact main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow because the grammar and word choice are unclear. Write shorter sentences. For example, change “Most of the packages made of plastic and other non-organic materials dissolve for years” to “Plastic packing can take many years to break down.”
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas more smoothly. Use simple links such as “For this reason”, “This means that”, and “As a result”. Do not put a full example after a sentence fragment such as “For example, limit factory emissions...” Instead, write a complete sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Check key words for correct form and spelling, especially “government”, “environmental”, “emissions”, “packaging”, and “wildlife”. Clear word forms will make your ideas easier to read.
task response
You answer the question directly and give a clear view that governments and large firms should take the main role.
task response
Your main ideas are on topic: public rules, clean energy, public transport, recycling, and safer materials.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow because each body paragraph has one main focus, and the ending repeats your main view.
coherence and cohesion
You use useful linking words, such as “Furthermore”, “As a result”, and “In conclusion”, to show the flow of your ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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