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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that nowadays we have too many choices. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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Introduction
Some
Correct determiner usage
A
show examples
 handful of people believe that nowadays there are too many
choices
Use synonyms
; I fully disagree with
this
Linking Words
 statement
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
 I believe that nowadays there are fewer choice
then
Linking Words
 ever before, and my reasoning behind it is because of modern technology.
Body paragraph 1
I believe modern AI has limited our choice and given us all an illusion of choice,
for example
Linking Words
, building a robot can take multiple ways.
Nonetheless
Linking Words
, a newbie needs to be assisted;so by asking AI or watching videos, he thinks he got overwhelmed by
choices
Use synonyms
,
however
Linking Words
,
really
Correct pronoun usage
he really
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 limited the
choices
Use synonyms
 that could have been built. And I see
this
Linking Words
 example occurs often, which can easily be mistaken as “too many
choices
Use synonyms
”.
Body paragraph 2
But I do acknowledge the other side and were there could be coming from, as asking AI or searching up online can be deceiving as overwhelming,
nevertheless
Linking Words
, there sill the same amount of
choices
Use synonyms
, as the most effective methods/models are still being represented, it just that the numerous title names are different,
Body paragraph 3
types of models are consistently being reused/revived for being effective and being
rename
Wrong verb form
renamed
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 as new. It is called remanufacturing. It was designed by businessman
,Henry ford
Correct word order
Henry Ford, who
show examples
 used
this
Linking Words
 method as he remodelled his cars with the exact same engine and rebrand it as new.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I can understand where some may find it has too many
choices
Use synonyms
 in our modern-day era
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
However
Linking Words
, I fully disagree with the statement as it has been prescribed has too many by modern-day technology. Regardless, it sill same
choices
Use synonyms
 just re-manufactured and re-branded as new with a different title.

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task response
State your main view in a direct way, then give two clear reasons. Your view is that modern technology does not give us more real choices, but this idea is not fully explained.
task response
Make sure each main point answers the question about choices in daily life. The robot example is hard to follow and does not clearly show why people have fewer choices.
task response
Use real and simple examples, such as online shops, food delivery apps, films, or study paths. Explain how these examples support your view.
task response
Develop the point about AI more carefully. You say AI limits choices, but you also say there are the same number of choices. Explain how both ideas can be true.
task response
Do not rely on the Henry Ford example unless you can explain it clearly and accurately. It is not closely linked to the main question and takes space from your main ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clear four-part plan: introduction, first reason, second reason, and conclusion. Each body paragraph should have one main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Start each paragraph with a simple topic sentence. For example: “First, online advice often leads people to the same few options.”
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a natural way. Words such as “However”, “For example”, “As a result”, and “In addition” can help show the link between ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid very long sentences with many commas and semicolons. Split them into shorter sentences so the reader can understand your point more easily.
coherence and cohesion
Keep your words the same when you mean the same thing. Choose “choices” or “options” and use it clearly, rather than changing between many unclear phrases.
task response
You give a clear overall view at the start and keep this view in the conclusion.
task response
You try to consider the other side, which shows that you understand the topic has more than one view.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, so it has a basic clear shape.
coherence and cohesion
You use some linking words, such as “for example”, “nonetheless”, and “however”, to connect ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • overwhelmed
  • decision fatigue
  • paralysis by analysis
  • consumerism
  • globalization
  • personal autonomy
  • market saturation
  • option overload
  • decision-making process
  • psychological well-being
  • buyer's remorse
  • customization
  • trade-offs
  • minimalism
  • information superhighway
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