In many countries, crime rates amongst younger people have been rising. Discuss the causes and solutions for this problem.

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Introduction

Recently, in many countries,

crime

Use synonyms

rates have been rising

especially

Punctuation problem

, especially

show examples

among

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

young

people

Use synonyms

Firstly

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

essay will discuss

reasons

Add an article

the reasons

show examples

behind

this

Linking Words

tendency and

secondly

Linking Words

propose some solutions to counteract

this

Linking Words

issue.

Body paragraph 1

One major cause of rising

crime

Use synonyms

rates is television programs which deal with

crime

Use synonyms

. To clarify, we want to explain why younger generations choose the wrong path. Younger

people

Use synonyms

may be influenced by the criminal

behavior

Change the spelling

behaviour

show examples

they see

Change preposition

on TV

show examples

and

Punctuation problem

, and

show examples

also

Linking Words

they can

normalize

Change the spelling

normalise

show examples

this

Linking Words

For instance

Linking Words

, most

young

Correct determiner usage

of the young

show examples

generation may see

people

Use synonyms

who play

acriminal

Correct your spelling

a criminal

role in TV as

Correct article usage

show examples

idol. Another reason is that, poverty and unemployment.

For instance

Linking Words

, in many countries young generation

see the way of solution in

Correct subject-verb agreement

sees

show examples

crime

Use synonyms

for getting

Change preposition

as a way to get

show examples

money.

Body paragraph 2

For these reasons, rising

crime

Use synonyms

rates may be a serious problem for society.

Body paragraph 3

However

Linking Words

, there are a number of solutions to these issues. One effective remedy would be avoiding the glorification of

crime

Use synonyms

Capitalize the word

show examples

channels should avoid glorifying violence and criminality and

instead

Linking Words

broadcast educational programs that highlight the negative impact of

crime

Use synonyms

. A second possible solution might be creating more job opportunities for young

people

Use synonyms

. To clarify,

government

Add an article

the government

show examples

should encourage companies to create more job opportunities

for

Change preposition

show examples

support

young

Add an article

the young

show examples

generation.

For example

Linking Words

, Schools and universities should provide practical skills and vocational training to help young

people

Use synonyms

find employment.

Conclusion

In conclusion, television programs which deal with

crime

Use synonyms

and unemployment are the main reasons why more and more

younger

Correct word choice

young

show examples

people

Use synonyms

tend to

Use synonyms

crime

Verb problem

commit crime

show examples

in recent years.

Nevertheless

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

trend can be reversed through effective measures taken by governments and channels

ramilahasanova81

Oct 29, 2026

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task response

You answer both parts of the task: causes and solutions. Your main ideas are clear, but you need to explain them more fully. Show more clearly how crime shows can lead some young people to copy bad acts.

task response

Use more exact ideas. For example, say that some young people with no job may turn to theft or selling drugs because they need money. This makes your point stronger.

task response

Your last line is too short. Restate the two main causes and say that the two solutions can help cut youth crime.

coherence and cohesion

Your essay has a clear order: start, causes, solutions, and end. Keep this plan, but make each body paragraph focus on one main idea.

coherence and cohesion

Use linking words in a more natural way. Do not start too many lines with “For instance” or “To clarify”. You can also use “This means that”, “As a result”, and “Therefore”.

coherence and cohesion

Some sentences are hard to follow because of word form and small grammar errors. For example, write “influenced by criminal behavior they see on TV” and “seen as idols”.

coherence and cohesion

Avoid a separate short paragraph that only says the problem is serious. Add this idea to the end of the causes paragraph, or explain why it is serious.

task response

You give two clear causes: crime shows on TV and poverty or no jobs. You also give two matching solutions.

task response

The ideas about job chances and work skills are useful and fit the question well.

coherence and cohesion

The introduction tells the reader what the essay will discuss, and the conclusion returns to the main points.

coherence and cohesion

Words such as “Firstly”, “However”, “For example”, and “In conclusion” help the reader follow your main plan.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
18
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

4.5

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

257 words

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