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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Many people like to wear fashionable clothes. Why do you think this is the case? Is this a good thing or a bad thing?

3.5 / 9
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Introduction
Nowadays, fashionable clothing has become an important part of modern life.
Fashion
Use synonyms
showes
Correct your spelling
shows
 are held around the word and
people
Use synonyms
 follow different styles depending on their cultures, traditions
and
Punctuation problem
,
show examples
 personal preferences, and financial situations.
While
Linking Words
 some
people
Use synonyms
always
Verb problem
are always
show examples
 interested in the latest trends other prefer comfortable
clothes
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 1
One of the main advantages of
fashion
Use synonyms
 is that it
allowes
Correct your spelling
allows
people
Use synonyms
 to express their personalities and individual tastes.
wearing
Capitalize the word
Wearing
show examples
 stylish
clothes
Use synonyms
 can help
people
Use synonyms
 feel more confident and present themselves positively in society.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 being fashionable does not nessesery wear expensive
designers
Replace the word
designer
clothes
Use synonyms
.
People
Use synonyms
 can look elegant and
atractive
Correct your spelling
attractive
 with affordable
chooses
Replace the word
choices
.
Moreover
Linking Words
,wearing clean and
well organised
Correct your spelling
well-organised
clothes
Use synonyms
 can
creat
Correct your spelling
create
 a positive impression on others.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
,following
fashion
Use synonyms
 trends can have negative consequences
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 when
people
Use synonyms
 spend
whole
Correct determiner usage
all
show examples
 of their money on something out of their
budgets
Check wording
budget
show examples
. Some young generation purchase
luxerious
Correct your spelling
luxurious
 famous products to impress social media
communicate
Replace the word
communication
. Like
as
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
, 18
pro max
Capitalize the proper name
Pro Max
show examples
 iPhones or
Lady
Add an article
a Lady
show examples
 Dior bag that any young girls are so obsessed with these products
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 they are willing to go into debt just
own
Change preposition
to own
show examples
 them.They spend many years paying off their loans.
As a result
Linking Words
, they may not fully enjoy it
becuase
Correct your spelling
because
 they always worry about it.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
fashion
Use synonyms
 is a normal part of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 it always
improve
Correct subject-verb agreement
improves
show examples
 confidence and
let
Correct subject-verb agreement
lets
show examples
 any generation express themselves
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 it should not become
financial
Add an article
a financial
show examples
 burden. In my view,
people
Use synonyms
 can look stylish without spending
amounts
Correct word choice
large amounts
show examples
 of money.

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task response
Answer both parts more directly. Explain why people want fashionable clothes, such as to feel good, show who they are, or fit in with others. Then clearly say why you think the good or bad side is stronger.
task response
Your main ideas are clear, but some need more support. For example, explain how fashionable clothes can build confidence, and why buying costly items can cause money problems.
task response
The phone and bag examples are useful, but make them clearer and more general. Focus on the result: some young people borrow money to buy popular items, so they feel stress later.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clearer plan: introduction, one paragraph about good points, one paragraph about bad points, and a conclusion. This plan is already there, but each paragraph needs a stronger first sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words such as 'First', 'Also', 'However', 'For example', and 'As a result'. Do not use 'such as' before a full sentence about a problem.
coherence and cohesion
Keep each sentence focused on one idea. Some sentences are too long and hard to follow. For example, split the sentence about young people, luxury products, and social media into two or three short sentences.
coherence and cohesion
Make your final view fully clear. You say fashion is normal and can help confidence, but it should not cause money problems. State that this means fashion is good only when people spend within their budget.
task response
You discuss both the positive and negative sides of fashionable clothes, and you give a clear personal view at the end.
task response
You use relevant ideas about confidence, personal style, social media, and money problems.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction, two main body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as 'Moreover', 'On the other hand', and 'As a result' help show the link between ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • express individuality
  • boost confidence
  • self-esteem
  • social status
  • designer labels
  • cultural icons
  • art and creativity
  • financial strain
  • overspend
  • fast fashion
  • culture of waste
  • economic growth
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