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Band 4.5

While some countries encourage short school days, others encourage long school days. Do you think that having short school days has more advantages or more disadvantages?

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Introduction
There are some regions
support
Correct pronoun usage
that support
show examples
 long
school
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days
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,
while
Linking Words
 others do the opposite
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
. I think that short
school
Use synonyms
days
Use synonyms
 can have more advantages than
their
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
disadvantages. I can explain why in
next
Add an article
the next
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 paragraphs.
Body paragraph 1
One
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On
show examples
 the one hand, some
children
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 might not understand some
point
Check wording
points
show examples
 during
school
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's
lectures
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, if the
school
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's
time
Use synonyms
 were short. For countries that have short
school
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days
Use synonyms
, teachers there may be likely to finish their
lectures
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 at a specific
time
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.
This
Linking Words
 is because
children
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 are supposed to
go out of
Verb problem
leave
show examples
school
Use synonyms
 at a specific
time
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. During the
time
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 of these
lectures
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, teachers may finish their
time
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 when there are students
do
Correct pronoun usage
who do
show examples
 not understand some
points
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 in a lecture. Unfortunately, there is no
time
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 for discussing the lecture with teachers there. So, if students went home without understanding these
lectures
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, they might find them diffecult for studying.
Then
Linking Words
, they may not answer questions about these
points
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at
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their
exams
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.
As a result
Linking Words
, if
these
Correct word order
there were many of these points
show examples
points
Use synonyms
 were many, they might not pass these
exams
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.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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,
children
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 may have an opportunity to study well and do other
activities
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 at the same
time
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 with short
school
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days
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. Generally,
children
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 may take different subjects'
lectures
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at
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the same
day
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 in schools.
Besides
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, they are supposed to study them after
school
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
time
Check wording
hours
show examples
. To consider that
also
Linking Words
children
Use synonyms
 may do different
other
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
activities
Use synonyms
 during their
week
Correct your spelling
weekdays
days
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,
such
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 as playing with their friends or sports. So, if they spent a long
day
Use synonyms
 at
school
Use synonyms
, they might not have
time
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 for both studying
or
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 doing their
activities
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. At
this
Linking Words
time
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, if the student
chose
Wrong verb form
chooses
show examples
 to do his other
activities
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, he might not have enough
time
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 for studying well.
Then
Linking Words
, he may not finish all his studying
day
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 by
day
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.
Concequently
Correct your spelling
Consequently
, he may
stuck
Verb problem
be stuck
show examples
 at the
time
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 before his
exams
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 because of
this
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.
In contrast
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, short
school
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days
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 can solve all of
this
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 when
children
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 get home earlier. So, they would have more
time
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 to study or to do other
activities
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. With
this
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, they can finish all their studying
day
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 by
day
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 with their additional
time
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 in the
day
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.
As a result
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, they can finish all their studying
at the
Change preposition
in
show examples
time
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of
Change preposition
for
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 the
exams
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.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
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 short
school
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days
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 have a drawback of leaving some
children
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 without understanding some
points
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 of
lectures
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 in schools.
This
Linking Words
 is minor
with
Punctuation problem
, with
show examples
its
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 advantage of having enough
time
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 for studying and doing other
activities
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.
This
Linking Words
 can have a good result
at the end
Linking Words
 to make them finish their studying before their
exams
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 and prepare for them well.

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task response
Make your main view more clear in the first part: short school days have more good points than bad points. Then give two strong reasons for this view.
task response
The first body part talks about a bad point, but it is much longer than the good point. Keep the bad point short and explain more fully why the good points are stronger.
task response
Give a real or clear example. For example, a child may leave school at 2 p.m., rest, do homework, and play sport. This helps show why short days can work well.
task response
Some ideas are repeated, such as having time to study before exams. Add one more clear good point, like less stress, more sleep, or time with family.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two body parts, and an end. Keep this plan, but make each body part focus on one main idea only.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer links between ideas. Try: “However,” “For this reason,” “As a result,” and “In contrast.” Do not use too many links in every sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Make sentences shorter. Some sentences have many ideas, so they are hard to follow. Put one main idea in each sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Use the same words in a clear way. Say “school day”, “lesson”, “students”, and “homework” instead of long word groups such as “the time of these lectures” or “all their studying.”
task response
You answer the question and clearly say that short school days have more good points than bad points.
task response
You include both sides of the topic: one possible problem and one main good point.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has an introduction, two main body parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You often show cause and result with words such as “because”, “so”, and “as a result.”
Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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