Many people think that painting and music do not directly improve the quality of people. Therefore, government should not spend too much money on artistic projects. Do you agree or disagree?

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There is no denying the fact that art is important in
people
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's lives.
While
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it is a commonly held belief that artistic
projects
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do not improve the quality of
people
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, so they think that governments do not have to pay a lot of money on art
projects
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, there is
also
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an argument that opposes
this
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view. In
this
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essay, I will discuss
this
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topic and express my opinion.
To begin
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with, I totally disagree with
this
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view
,
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.
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I believe that artistic
projects
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help
people
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to live a better life. Painting and music are considered a way of living
,
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;
show examples
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therefore
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therefore,
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governments
dedicated
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dedicate
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a high budget only
for
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to
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these
projects
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. Most of the developed countries give
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arts
Add an article
the arts
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a significant priority, as they consider it a reflection of countrey's development.
Also
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,
people
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get several opportunities from painting and music.
For example
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,
Saudi
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the Saudi
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Arabia
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Arabian
government puts a massive budget
to contain
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into containing
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artistic
projects
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,
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apply
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and
encourage
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encourages
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people
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who love art to attend these events, so they get a chance to discover different types of
arts
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. Now artists
beccome
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become
very happy, and the idea of
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arts
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the arts
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started to spread among
people
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.
In addition
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,
people
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become aware of the benefits of these
projects
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so
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, so
show examples
they are eager to attend and to know more about
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arts
Add an article
the arts
show examples
.

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task response
Your view is clear: you disagree. However, the essay does not fully answer the question because it has no final paragraph. Add a short ending that repeats your main view and sums up your two main reasons.
task response
Explain more clearly how art makes life better. For example, say that music can help people feel calm, and painting can help people share ideas and feelings. Then link these points to why public money is useful.
task response
Your Saudi Arabia example is on topic, but it needs more detail. Explain what the money supports, such as shows, art classes, or public places, and say what people gain from them.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clear four-part plan: introduction, first main point, second main point, and conclusion. At present, the main body has several ideas in one long paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body paragraph with one clear main idea. For example: “First, art can improve people’s mental health.” Then give an explanation and an example before moving to the next idea.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words more carefully. “Therefore” should show a result, but in your essay it sometimes joins ideas that do not have a clear result. Try “because,” “also,” “for example,” and “as a result” only when they fit.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating “artistic projects,” “people,” and “arts” many times. You can use “art,” “these projects,” “the public,” and “artists” to make the writing flow better.
task response
You clearly state that you disagree with the idea that public money should not support art.
task response
You include a real-world example about Saudi Arabia, which helps make your point more concrete.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has an introduction and uses basic linking words such as “To begin with,” “For example,” and “In addition.”
coherence and cohesion
Your ideas generally stay on the main topic of public support for painting and music.
Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
What to do next:
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