IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In the modern world, many employees lack soft skills such as communication and working in teams. What are the main causes of this problem? What are the effects of the lack od soft skills?

4.5 / 9
Band scoreView breakdown ↓
✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
The issue of many employees who
have
Verb problem
apply
show examples
lack soft
skills
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as
communication
Use synonyms
 and working in teams has become a significant concern in recent years. It is widely believed that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
soft
skills
Use synonyms
 are the most important thing in jobs.
This
Linking Words
 essay explores the causes of the problem and suggests possible solutions.
Body paragraph 1
One major cause is that many individuals prefer to
work
Use synonyms
 alone. The main reason is that some
people
Use synonyms
 do not do their
work
Use synonyms
 efficiently, so they think it is a good
notion
Check wording
idea
show examples
 to carry out tasks individually. Another main factor is that some
people
Use synonyms
 have social anxiety, so they can not
concert
Use the right word
concentrate
show examples
 at their
work
Use synonyms
 if they
work
Use synonyms
 as a team, which has significant implications for those
people
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 2
One solution is that
people
Use synonyms
 who
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
apply
show examples
lack soft
skills
Use synonyms
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as
communication
Use synonyms
 and working in
teams
Punctuation problem
teams,
show examples
 should try to talk with
stragers
Correct your spelling
strangers
 or children, which would help
by breaking
Wrong verb form
break
show examples
 the ice with
people
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, if a woman does not like to talk with her colleagues, she should try to
invate
Correct your spelling
invite
 them
at
Change preposition
to
show examples
 her home or any suitable place, which can assist her to create relationships and gain
communication
Use synonyms
skills
Use synonyms
. Another possible solution is that
people
Use synonyms
 can have a beneficial conversation
at
Change preposition
on
show examples
 many apps, which
is help
Wrong verb form
helps
show examples
 them to talk with
people
Use synonyms
 to improve their
communication
Use synonyms
skills
Use synonyms
.
Conclusion
To sum up
Linking Words
,
having
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
 lack of soft
skills
Use synonyms
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as
communication
Use synonyms
 and working in
teams
Punctuation problem
teams,
show examples
 is a pressing issue. By trying to talk with
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
random
people
Use synonyms
 and practice
to talk
Wrong verb form
talking
show examples
 with
people
Use synonyms
at
Change preposition
on
show examples
 our smartphones, we can address the root causes and
work
Use synonyms
 towards a better outcome.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Answer both parts of the question. The question asks for causes and effects, but your main body gives causes and solutions. Replace the solution paragraphs with clear effects, such as slow work, more mistakes, poor team work, and problems with clients.
task response
Develop each main idea more fully. Explain why people choose to work alone and how this leads to weak communication or team skills. Then explain the result for the worker and the company.
task response
Use examples that show effects, not advice. For example, a worker who cannot share ideas may cause delays because the team does not know what to do.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, body paragraphs, and an ending. However, the plan does not match the question after the introduction. Make the first body paragraph about causes and the second body paragraph about effects.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple link words to guide the reader: “First,” “Another cause,” “As a result,” “This can lead to,” and “In conclusion.” Make sure each paragraph has one main point.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating the same long phrase too often. You can use “these skills,” “this problem,” or “workers” after you name communication and team work once.
coherence and cohesion
Check basic word forms and grammar because they sometimes make the meaning hard to follow. For example, write “employees lack soft skills,” “people who lack soft skills,” “cannot focus,” and “invite.”
task response
You give two possible causes: a wish to work alone and social anxiety. These ideas are linked to the topic.
task response
You include an example about a woman and her co-workers. This shows an effort to make your ideas clear.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has an introduction and a conclusion, so the reader can see the main topic and the ending.
coherence and cohesion
You use some linking words, such as “One major cause,” “Another main factor,” and “To sum up.”
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: