Some schools now require students to wear devices that track their physical activity and location during school hours. Why might schools implement this policy? Do you think the benefits of this surveillance outweigh the drawbacks for students?

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Introduction

In recent years, there has been a growing

trend

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towards tracking

devices

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for

students

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. Numerous schools are adopting

this

Linking Words

trend

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because it ensures

students

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are in an advantageous condition.

In contrast

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

essay completely agrees that the merits of

this

Linking Words

trend

Use synonyms

outweigh the drawbacks because it increases learners'

safety

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and

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

improves their

performance

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Body paragraph 1

The major driver behind

this

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shift is that schools can ensure that people who have illnesses are in

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

good condition.

That is

Linking Words

to say that

Punctuation problem

apply

show examples

an increasing number of

students

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suffer from various diseases,

such

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as high blood pressure and diabetes;

this

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approach

assist

Correct subject-verb agreement

assists

show examples

people in charge to make sure these

students

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are far from a bad condition. By tracking a student's sugar levels, they will be more aware of

his

Fix the agreement mistake

their

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physical and mental conditions.

Furthermore

Linking Words

, learners who suffer from high blood pressure

they

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

are more likely to face serious problems than others, which could be prevented by tracking their rates.

Use synonyms

students

Capitalize the word

Students

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will not be able to escape from school because educators can know exactly where they are.

Body paragraph 2

One main advantage

behind

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show examples

this

Linking Words

trend

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is that parents will be confident about the

safety

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of their children. When a father knows that his son is in

safe

Add an article

a safe

show examples

place where they track him physically and mentally, he will be more satisfied and confident;

this

Linking Words

can encourage more parents to trust

more about

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apply

show examples

their sons' health. The

safety

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of the

students

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plays a crucial role in the education system

Add a semicolon

;

show examples

this

Linking Words

can improve their

performance

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when they are studying in a safe place. Not only do track

devices

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improve

students

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safety

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, but they

also

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increase their

performance

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. To illustrate, a recent study by Yale University shows that learners'

performance

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increased by 40% in schools that are urging

students

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to wear

devices

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that track their rates.

Conclusion

In conclusion,

although

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wearing tracking

devices

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may protect people with diseases, I firmly believe the benefits of

this

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shift outweigh the cons, mainly because it improves

students

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safety

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and

performance

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i3b09d

Oct 30, 2026

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task response

Answer both parts more fully. Explain why schools may use these tools: student safety, help in an emergency, and care for students with health needs. Then compare these gains with clear harms, such as less privacy, stress, and misuse of personal data.

task response

Keep your main ideas close to the question. Sugar levels and blood pressure may be tracked by health tools, but they are not the same as activity and location tracking. Make this link clear, or use examples about finding a lost student or checking if a student is safe.

task response

Give a more balanced view before you state your choice. For example, say that the tools should only work during school time, that only key staff can see the data, and that schools should tell students and parents how it is used.

task response

Do not use a study unless you can explain it well. The Yale example gives a number, but it does not say how tracking caused better school work. A clear, real-life example would be stronger.

coherence and cohesion

Use one clear main point in each body paragraph. The first body paragraph moves from health needs to students leaving school. Put these in two separate paragraphs, or choose only one point.

coherence and cohesion

Make the order of ideas easier to follow. Start with why schools use the devices, then discuss the good points, then the bad points, and finally give your view.

coherence and cohesion

Use linking words with care. Words such as “For example”, “However”, “As a result”, and “On the other hand” can show how one idea leads to the next.

coherence and cohesion

Avoid repeating the same point about safety. Add a new point in the second body paragraph, such as quick help in an emergency, while also giving a clear limit on school use of the data.

task response

You give a clear view from the start and repeat it in the end: you think the good points are stronger than the bad points.

task response

You use ideas that fit the topic, especially student safety, health needs, and parents feeling more at ease.

coherence and cohesion

The essay has a clear opening, two main body paragraphs, and an ending.

coherence and cohesion

You often try to explain your ideas with phrases such as “That is to say” and “To illustrate”.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

4.5

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

326 words

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Some schools now require students to wear devices that track their physical activity and location during school hours. Why might schools implement this policy? Do you think the benefits of this surveillance outweigh the drawbacks for students?

In many countries crime rates among teenagers are higher than among other age groups. What are the causes of this problem and what can be done to solve it?

Eating too much sugar is harmful to health. Some people think it is the government’s responsibility to limit people’s sugar consumption, while others think it is an individual’s responsibility to limit the amount of sugar they eat. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Most people take interviews to select a person for a job. What are the other ways? What do you think is the best way to recruit new employees?

Some people argue that all experimentation on animals is bad and should be outlawed. However, others believe that important scientific discoveries can be made from animal experiments. Can experimentation on animals be justified? Are there any alternatives?