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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe that social media has a negative impact on people's relationships. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

6.5 / 9
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Introduction
The use of social
media
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 has become increasingly common in modern society, particularly in the way
people
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 communicate and maintain
relationships
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. I strongly agree with the view that social
media
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 has a negative impact on interpersonal
relationships
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.
Body paragraph 1
One major reason why social
media
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 can negatively affect
relationships
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 is that it creates unrealistic expectations among
individuals
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.
This
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 is because
people
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 tend to share only the positive aspects of their lives,
such
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 as happy moments, achievements, and successful
relationships
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.
As a result
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, others may compare their own
relationships
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 with what they see online and develop unrealistic expectations about how
relationships
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 should be.
For example
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, some
individuals
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 may expect their partners or friends to behave in the same way as
people
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 they follow on social
media
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.
This
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 can lead to dissatisfaction and misunderstandings in their real-life
relationships
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.
Body paragraph 2
Another significant concern is that excessive use of social
media
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 can reduce the amount of quality time
people
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 spend with those around them.
Instead
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 of having meaningful face-to-face conversations,
individuals
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 may become more focused on checking notifications or browsing online content.
Consequently
Linking Words
, communication with family members and friends can become less frequent and less meaningful.
For instance
Linking Words
,
people
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 who constantly use their phones during family gatherings may miss opportunities to have meaningful conversations and strengthen their
relationships
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. Over time,
this
Linking Words
 behaviour can weaken emotional connections between
individuals
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.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I strongly believe that social
media
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 has a negative impact on interpersonal
relationships
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.
This
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 is mainly because it creates unrealistic expectations and reduces meaningful interactions between
people
Use synonyms
 in real life.

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task response
Your view is clear from the start and stays the same. You give two main reasons: false ideas from online posts and less real time with family and friends. To make the answer stronger, explain more about how these problems may happen in daily life.
task response
Your examples fit the main ideas, but they are quite general. Add one more clear, real-life example, such as a couple who argue because one person compares their life with posts online.
task response
You strongly agree, but you could briefly note that social media can help people stay in touch. Then explain why its bad effects are still greater. This would make your position more complete.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear shape: an opening, two body parts, and an ending. Each body part has one main idea, so it is easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Your linking words, such as “As a result”, “Consequently”, and “For instance”, are used well. Try to use a few different ways to join ideas so the links do not feel repeated.
coherence and cohesion
Some long sentences have many ideas. You can make them easier to read by splitting them into two shorter sentences, especially when you explain cause and result.
task response
You answer the question fully and state a clear opinion in both the opening and the ending.
task response
The two reasons are useful and stay close to the main topic of relationships.
coherence and cohesion
The order of ideas is clear, and the reader can easily see how each point leads to the next.
coherence and cohesion
The ending sums up the main ideas clearly without adding a new point.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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