IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

many animal species are becoming extinct by human activities . What are the reason and solutions to solve this issue?

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Introduction
There is a high reduction of animal
species
Use synonyms
 across the globe
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 one of the major
route
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apply
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causes is human
activities
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.In
this
Linking Words
 essay i will share reasons and solutions required to avert
this
Linking Words
 situation.
Body paragraph 1
There's a record of some animal
species
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 which are believed to have lived millions of years ago and
nolonger
Correct your spelling
no longer
 available in
this
Linking Words
 era
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 include dinosaurs amongst the list.
Growing
Add an article
The growing
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 population of
human kind
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humankind
 has greatly contributed to
this
Linking Words
 situation as people rely on some of these animals for food,clothing and some ritual
activities
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such
Linking Words
 as African traditional religion.There was no balance in managing the ecosystem back
then
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and
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, and
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 it is only now
when
Correct word choice
that
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 systems are
put
Verb problem
being put
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 in place to protect the animals from human
activities
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.Laws have been put in place to forbid anyone
to be
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from being
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 in possession of some
species
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.
Body paragraph 2
Linking Words
Furthermore
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Furthermore,
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 zoos, game parks and aquariums have been constructed so as to manage the remaining animals.
This
Linking Words
 will help in their survival and reproduction enhancing them to increase in numbers.Awareness
on
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of
show examples
 animal preservation helps citizens
the
Verb problem
understand the
show examples
 importance of safeguarding what they have for
the
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apply
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future generations.
Conclusion
In
conclusion
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conclusion,
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 people are positively responding to regulations put in place to protect the remaining
species
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 from human
activities
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 that
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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 been a major cause.

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task response
Answer both parts in a more direct way. Give two clear causes, such as loss of homes and hunting, then give matching ways to stop each cause.
task response
Explain each main idea more fully. For example, say how more people need land for homes and farms, so forests are cut down and animals lose places to live.
task response
Some points are too general. The idea about old animals from millions of years ago does not help explain why animals are dying out now. Use space for present-day causes and ways to solve them.
task response
Give clear examples. For instance, laws can stop illegal hunting, while protected parks can keep animals safe from land clearing.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, make the plan clearer: one paragraph for causes and one paragraph for solutions.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body paragraph with a clear main sentence. Then add an explanation and an example before moving to the next point.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a more careful way. “Furthermore” is useful for a new point, but “For example”, “As a result”, and “To solve this” can show the links between ideas more clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Make the conclusion sum up the main causes and solutions. Do not add the new idea that people are already responding well, unless you have shown this in the body.
task response
You discuss both causes and ways to deal with the problem, including laws, parks, and public awareness.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear opening and ending, and the second body paragraph stays focused on protecting animals.
coherence and cohesion
You use some helpful linking words, such as “Furthermore” and “In conclusion”, to guide the reader.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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