IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Some people think that all teenagers should be required to do unpaid work in their free time to help the local community. They believe this would benefit both the individual teenager and society as a whole. Do you agree or disagree

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Introduction
There are some who
thinks
Correct subject-verb agreement
think
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 that by doing unpaid
community
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Use synonyms
work
Punctuation problem
work,
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teenagers
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 will
be benifited
Wrong verb form
benefit
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as well as
Linking Words
 the
community
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. I strongly believe that too
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 I will explain in
this
Linking Words
eassy
Correct your spelling
essay
 why I agree with
this
Linking Words
 view.
Body paragraph 1
If
teenagers
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utilize
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utilise
show examples
 their free
time
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 by doing unpaid
community
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
work
Punctuation problem
work,
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 they can learn a lot of social
skill which
Fix the agreement mistake
skills that
show examples
 will
be benifited for
Verb problem
benefit
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 their future.
For
Linking Words
example
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example,
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 they will develop empathy
Linking Words
as
Punctuation problem
, as
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 well as they will learn communication skills.
The
Correct pronoun usage
They
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 will
also
Linking Words
realize
Change the spelling
realise
show examples
 their importance
for the
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to
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 society. Nowadays most of the teenager waste their free
time
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 by scrolling
scial
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social
 media and
entertainig
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entertaining
 platforms. Access use of
this
Linking Words
 platforms
damaging
Wrong verb form
damages
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 their concentration
time
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 and energy.
Body paragraph 2
In
Linking Words
addition
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addition,
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 they can involve other
crime
Replace the word
criminal
 activities too.
Although
Linking Words
only
Rephrase
apply
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unpaid
community
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work
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 is not the solution
but
Correct word choice
,
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 it can help
teenagers
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 to do something good and gain some experience for their future
work
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.
Body paragraph 3
Furthurmore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
, they can learn about their hobbies and passion which will help them to identify their future
carrier
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career
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. They will
undersand
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understand
 the value of their
time
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and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 they will
realize
Change the spelling
realise
show examples
 how they can make
impact
Add an article
an impact
show examples
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the
community
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 as well.
Conclusion
In conclusion, spending the free
time
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 in favour of
community
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teenagers
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 will be
benifited als
Correct your spelling
beneficial as
 well as the
community
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Your view is clear: you agree that teens should do free work for the local area. However, explain more fully why this work helps the local area, not only the teens. For example, say that older people may get help, parks may be cleaner, or young children may get support.
task response
Develop each main point with a clear reason and a real example. You mention empathy, speaking skills, and less crime, but these ideas need more detail. Explain how one kind of work, such as helping at a food bank, can build each skill.
task response
Be careful with very broad claims. Instead of saying that most teens waste time or may join crime, use softer words such as “some teens” and explain the link clearly.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, main paragraphs, and an ending. To make the flow better, give each paragraph one main idea. For example, use one paragraph for skills, one for future jobs, and one for help to the local area.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words more clearly to show the order of your ideas: “First,” “Also,” “As a result,” and “For example.” Do not begin a new paragraph with “In addition” if the new idea is not fully explained.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow because key words are missing or repeated. Check each sentence for who does the action and what the result is. For example: “Too much time on social media can harm their focus and use up their energy.”
task response
You clearly state your opinion in the first paragraph and keep the same view throughout the essay.
task response
You give useful ideas about social skills, future work, hobbies, and giving back to the local area.
coherence and cohesion
The essay uses paragraphs and has a clear ending that returns to the main idea.
coherence and cohesion
You use some helpful linking words, such as “For example,” “In addition,” and “Furthermore.”
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • community service
  • free time
  • unpaid work
  • local area
  • real life skills
  • team work
  • time management
  • sense of duty
  • social responsibility
  • help others
  • make a difference
  • public spaces
  • food bank
  • care home
  • volunteer work
  • forced labor
  • school pressure
  • mental stress
  • personal choice
  • fair system
  • practical experience
  • benefit society
  • build character
  • learn discipline
  • support local people
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