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Writing Samples
Band 3

Nowadays, more and more people choose to travel abroad for their holidays. Do the advantages of international travel outweigh the disadvantages?

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Introduction
People
Use synonyms
 nowadays
likes
Correct subject-verb agreement
like
show examples
 to take their holidays outside their country for a variety of reasons. Many
people
Use synonyms
 like to take their vacation outside their countries for many reasons. I see
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 abroad
their countries
Verb problem
has
show examples
 advantages weight the
disadvantages
Use synonyms
. In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
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 I will explain why the advantages
weights
Correct subject-verb agreement
outweigh
show examples
 the
disadvantages
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
from
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 my perspective.
Body paragraph 1
First of all traveling abroad has a positive impact
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 our physiological health. It is because you will see
people
Use synonyms
 from different cultures and religions
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 will
teaches
Wrong verb form
teach
show examples
you how to deal with all kinds of
people
Use synonyms
. which will let you delight. One key example is when tourists travel to Spain and see the extraordinary ruins of historical buildings will be impressed.
Body paragraph 2
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
 the other hand
traveling
Punctuation problem
, travelling
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 abroad has
disadvantages
Use synonyms
, one of them
if
Verb problem
is
show examples
 financial problems
traveling
Punctuation problem
. Travelling
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 abroad requires
so much
Correct word choice
a significant
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 amount of
money
Punctuation problem
money,
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 it is because you will need flight tickets,accommodation
stay
Check wording
apply
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, food, transport and many other things.
For example
Linking Words
 traveling to expensive places like London will cost you so much money.
As a
Linking Words
result
Add a comma
result,
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 you will come back home with no money,
Conclusion
In
conclusion
Add a comma
conclusion,
show examples
while
Linking Words
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 abroad has many
disadvantages
Use synonyms
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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high costs
but
Correct word choice
, the
show examples
 advantages weigh heavily more than the drawbacks
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as seeing new
culture
Check wording
cultures
show examples
 and
people
Use synonyms
,
seeing
Correct word choice
and seeing
show examples
 new
landscape
Check wording
landscapes
show examples
.

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task response
Give a clearer answer in the first paragraph. Say that the good points are greater than the bad points, and name your main reasons.
task response
Develop each main point more. Explain how meeting new people and seeing new places helps a person, then add one clear example.
task response
Your example about Spain is on the right topic, but explain why it shows a good point of travel. For example, say that it helps people learn about the past and other ways of life.
task response
The money problem is clear. Add one more bad point, such as long trips, being far from family, or problems with a new language. Then explain why the good points are still greater.
coherence and cohesion
Use a simple four-part plan: introduction, first main idea, second main idea, conclusion. This will make your answer easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Do not repeat the first idea. The first two sentences say almost the same thing. Use one sentence only, then state your view.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words more carefully: “On the other hand” for the bad point, “For example” for an example, and “As a result” only when it shows a real result.
coherence and cohesion
Keep sentences complete and clear. Some sentences start with “which” but do not have a clear main sentence. Break long ideas into two short sentences.
coherence and cohesion
Make the conclusion match your view. State clearly that the good points are greater, and briefly repeat the two main reasons.
task response
You answer both sides of the question: the good points of travel and the high cost.
task response
You give examples about Spain and London, which makes your ideas more real.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two main paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use useful linking words such as “First of all”, “For example”, “As a result”, and “In conclusion”.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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