IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that public transport should be free for everyone. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

5.5 / 9
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Introduction
Nowadays, a new topic has arisen in our society: some
people
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 believe that public
transport
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 should be free for everyone. I agree that public
transport
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 should be free, but with some limits, because some
people
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 have low wages
while
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 others have high incomes.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
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 with, I agree that public
transport
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 should be divided into three categories
:
Punctuation problem
:
show examples
people
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 with high
income
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incomes
show examples
,
people
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 with a salary, and
people
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 on a wage.
People
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 with high incomes should pay an extra 70% of the ticket price,
people
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 with a salary should pay an extra 30% of the ticket price, and
people
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 on a wage should travel for free.
This
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 creates equality between
people
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 of different income levels.
For example
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, the Iraqi government introduced new public
transport
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 regulations using a system that checks your eligibility with a special card and adjusts payment based on how much you earn.
This
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 can make
people
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 feel good about the system and motivate them to work hard.
Body paragraph 2
Another important point is that I agree pubic
transport
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 should be free for creative
people
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 and innovative
people
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.
In other words
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, creative
people
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 who have potential and talent in at least one aspect of life, like creativity, and innovative
people
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 who have special firms that provide loans to
people
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 without interest.
For instance
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, the Iraqi government introduced new public
transport
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 rules that include low taxes for
people
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 who help
people
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 experiencing poverty and who run private firms that provide zero-interest loans.
As a result
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,
this
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 will create new opportunities for others to be creative and take initiative in life.
Conclusion
In conclusion, both points offer a clear vision for how to organise public
transport
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 and create a chain to minimise its weaknesses.
Therefore
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, I agree that public
transport
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 should be free and organised to avoid weak service in the system.

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task response
Make your main view more clear. You say transport should be free, but you also say that many people should pay more. Say early that you agree only with free travel for low-paid people, not for all people.
task response
Answer the key words in the question: “free for everyone”. Explain why free travel for all may cost too much and may make buses and trains less good.
task response
Use main points that are easy to link to your view. For example, free travel for low-paid people can help them go to work, while rich people can pay to help run the system.
task response
Your second main point about creative people is not close to the topic. Replace it with a point about money, road traffic, air, work, school, or the cost of public transport.
task response
Be careful with examples. The Iraq examples sound very exact, but they are not explained enough. Use a simple possible example, or give more clear facts if it is real.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two body parts, and an end. However, the ideas in the second body part do not follow well from the first one.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body part with one clear point, then explain it, give one example, and show how it supports your view.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words to show contrast: “However”, “On the other hand”, and “Therefore”. This will help the reader follow why some people should pay and others should not.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating the same Iraq example in both body parts. Each paragraph should add a new reason.
coherence and cohesion
Make the end match your view exactly. Do not say public transport should be free in general if your essay says some groups should pay.
task response
You give a clear general view in the first paragraph and try to explain who should get free travel.
task response
You use examples to support your points, which shows an effort to make your ideas real.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear basic shape: an introduction, two main paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use useful signposts such as “To begin with”, “For example”, “Another important point”, and “In conclusion”.
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