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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Countries are becoming more and more similar because people can buy the same products anywhere in the world. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

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Introduction
There is no denying the fact that
Use synonyms
products
Check wording
product
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 availability
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 very important. It is a commonly held belief that countries are selling the same
products
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, and consumers can buy the same items anywhere in the world. In
this
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 essay, I will analyse
this
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 topic and express my opinion.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
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 with, I totally believe that
this
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development
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 is very helpful for
people
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. Previously,
If
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if
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 a person
wants
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wanted
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 to buy a
product
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product,
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 she must order it online, but it
consumes
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consumed
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 a lot of time and money.
However
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, some
products
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 are being shipped from far cities, so you have to wait
long
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a long
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 time until you receive your product.
Moreover
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, some
people
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 travelled only for shopping, and
buy
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bought
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 whatever they
need
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needed
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.
For example
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, I remember that some Saudi girls have travelled to Korea only to buy skincare
products
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, but now there is no need to travel as skincare shops are everywhere.
Body paragraph 2
Another point to consider is that
,
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apply
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 some
people
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 think that
this
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development
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 is negative
due to
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 several reasons. Businessmen who won shop
products
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 think that the
spead
Correct your spelling
spread
 of these
products
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 badly affected their businesses.
Moreover
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, they believe that there are no unique
products
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 anymore, as you can find the same
products
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 in many stores.
Moreover
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, they believe that there are no unique
products
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 anymore. Even though
,
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apply
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this
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development
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 is beneficial for
people
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, especially
people
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 who cannot travel and have
no
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not
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 much money.
This
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 is because the spread of
products
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 made it cheap
,
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apply
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 and available all
time
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the time
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.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I tend to believe that
this
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development
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 helps a lot of
people
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, and it is
very
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a very
show examples
 positive improvement.

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task response
Give a clear answer in the first part: say that this is a positive change, then keep this view in all parts.
task response
Explain your main ideas more fully. For example, say why lower cost helps people and why having the same goods in many places is useful.
task response
The example about women going to Korea is useful, but explain more clearly how it shows the good side of this change.
task response
The bad side is mentioned, but it needs more detail. Explain how small local shops may lose buyers and why this may be a problem for a town.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main parts, and an end. Make each main part focus on one idea only.
coherence and cohesion
Do not repeat the same point. The idea that there are no unique products appears two times in the second main part.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer links between ideas. For example: “On the other hand,” for the bad side, and “However,” when you return to your own view.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow because the subject changes. For example, use “people have to wait” instead of “you have to wait” to keep the same point of view.
coherence and cohesion
The first line is too general. Start more directly with the topic of the same goods being sold around the world.
task response
You give a clear overall view that this change is good for most people.
task response
You include a real-life example about skin care goods, which makes your point easier to understand.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has an introduction, main parts, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use some linking words, such as “For example,” “Moreover,” and “In conclusion.”
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • globalization
  • diversity
  • homogenization
  • cultural assimilation
  • global connection
  • local businesses
  • economic impact
  • consumerism
  • standardization
  • westernization
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