Some people think that dangerous sports should be banned, while others think people should be free to choose. Discuss both views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant example from your own experience or knowledge.

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Introduction
There is no denying the fact that exercising
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sports
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apply
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is a significant factor for
people
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.
While
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it is a commonly held belief that high-risk
sports
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should not be allowed, there is
also
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an argument that
people
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should have the freedom to decide.
This
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essay will analyse
this
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topic from both points of view and express my opinion
[
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,
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which is that individuals should be able to do what they want
]
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apply
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.
Body paragraph 1
On one hand,
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there
are
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is
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a selection of men and women who argue that
]
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apply
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dangerous
sports
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and
activities
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may lead to
series
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serious
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injuries or death.
In addition
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[
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,
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To elaborate
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further
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further,
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/ What
this
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means is that / to explain in more detail],
people
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may get hurt because these
sports
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such
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, such
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as mountain climbing and
skydiving
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skydiving,
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are very risky.
Moreover
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, the number of accidents from these
sports
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are
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is
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very high, which can increase pressure on hospitals.
For example
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, mountain climbers may fall and need emergency medical help.
As a result
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, some
people
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believe that banning these
sports
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is the best way to protect
people
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's lives.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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,
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apply
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there are other citizens who believe that
]
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apply
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individuals should have the freedom to choose their
sports
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. [What
this
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means is that] It is
also
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possible to say that adults should be able to decide what
activities
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they want to do.
Moreover
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[
Furthermore
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], governments can make these
sports
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safer by building
sports
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centers
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centres
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and
create
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creating
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various
of
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sports
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programs, to help
people
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instead
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of banning them.
For
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instance
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instance,
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skydiving centres can provide safety training and proper equipment to help
people
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stay safe and improve their skills.
This
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can
also
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encourage more
people
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to enjoy these
activities
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safely. //// From my point of view, I
also
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agree
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this
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that this
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is the right choice.
Body paragraph 3
In conclusion,[From my point of view,]
although
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dangerous
sports
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can cause serious injuries, I believe that
people
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should have the freedom to choose their
activities
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. In my opinion, governments should focus on improving safety rules rather than banning these
sports
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completely.
This
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way,
people
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can enjoy their favourite
sports
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while
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reducing the risks.
Conclusion
To sum up
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, clearly some individuals want to stop these
activities
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because of the danger,
in
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contrast
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contrast,
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others suggest
people
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can choose, but my opinion is that everyone should be able to decide for themselves.

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task response
You discuss both sides and give a clear view. To make your view stronger, say more clearly why choice is more important than a ban, and explain why safety rules can work.
task response
Your examples fit the topic, but they are quite general. Add one clear real example, such as a trained skydiver who must use safe gear and follow rules.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: first one side, then the other side, then your view. This makes it easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Do not write two endings. Keep one short ending that repeats your main view and the main reason.
coherence and cohesion
Some link words are used too often, such as 'Moreover' and 'What this means is that'. Use simple links only when needed: 'For example', 'However', 'As a result' and 'In my view'.
coherence and cohesion
Remove the words in square brackets and the slash marks. They look like notes, not part of an essay. Choose one form of each sentence and write it normally.
coherence and cohesion
Check a few grammar forms that affect clear meaning: write 'serious injuries', 'the number of accidents ... is high', and 'create different sports programs'.
task response
You answer all parts of the question: you show both views and state that adults should be free to choose.
task response
Mountain climbing and skydiving are good examples because they directly match the idea of dangerous sports.
coherence and cohesion
Each main paragraph has one clear idea, and the final view supports the second main paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
The opening tells the reader what the essay will do, and the ending gives a clear final view.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary
  • engagement
  • incentives
  • obesity
  • recreation
  • well-being
  • peer pressure
  • physical fitness
  • endurance
  • balance
  • teamwork
  • coordination
  • confidence
  • self-esteem
  • discipline
  • facilities
  • accessible
  • affordable
  • curriculum
  • extracurricular
  • inclusion
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