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Band 4.5

Some people think that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Introduction
Life
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 is full of multiple uncertainties , and it would not be constant for anyone. A man has to go through different situations, i.e. , days of happiness and sadness. Some
people
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 say that the best approach to deal with these situations is to agree with them,
while
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 from another point of view, a human being must keep on trying and makes his
life
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 easier. Let's discuss both views.
Body paragraph 1
The first most argued statement is that, rather than complaining about the difficulties of
life
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 , the best way is to face them with bravery. If a person shows less courage, he will build the factor of jalousy for others. In
this
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 way, he will exhibit
the
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apply
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negative feelings and emotions about his passing days and is more likely to have stress and depression.
Moreover
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,
such
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people
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 with short tempers and less patience will not only harm themselves but
also
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 cause chaos for their families.
For example
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, a driver with fewer rides goes home sadly with the attitude of making complaints, throws out all of his aggression and anger at his family. In
this
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 way, the behaviour of not accepting the critical time is fatal for the mental health of a person and their
belongings
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loved ones
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. So, an individual must develop the skill of acceptance with greater courage.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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,
people
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 tend to change their calamities with
hardwork
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hard work
, passion and patience. One must have faith in himself, doing so,
his
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one's
show examples
 brain will stimulate
him
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one
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 with messages that
he
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one
show examples
 can bear every difficulty and can alter
his
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one's
show examples
 livelihood.
Furthermore
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, the basic necessity of
life
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 is not only to have
stamina
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the stamina
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 to deal with ups and downs but
also
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 the willpower to make greater improvements.
For instance
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, if an individual tends to try out innovative ideas on a daily basis, chase his work progress, evaluate his behaviour and personality, calculate the worth he made in
life
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, ultimately, he is more likely to make great achievements. Proving that, psychology says, the smile is the best dose for unwanted times,
that's
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which is
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 why we should begin our days with a smile and positive thoughts.
Body paragraph 3
In my opinion, to agree with the complications is not simply the solution to problems;
instead
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, we should work hard with a willingness to make our lives better. Obviously, accepting hard times saves
people
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 from anxiety , but they must tend to work to be the better version of themselves
personally
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, personally
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 and professionally.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I would like
to conclude
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 by saying that if a person is facing a shortage of money and any other difficult situation, first he should accept it and
then
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 he is supposed to make extreme efforts day and night to bring comfort and ease in
life
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.

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task response
You discuss both views and give your own view. However, the first main part does not fully explain why some people choose to accept a bad job or low pay. Focus more on real limits, such as family needs, health, age, or few work choices.
task response
Make your main ideas more direct. The first view is about accepting a bad state, but much of the paragraph is about anger, stress, and poor behavior. Link every point back to accepting the state.
task response
Your own view is clear: people should accept the problem first, then try to improve it. Develop this with one strong example, such as a worker who keeps a job while learning new skills for better work.
task response
Use examples that fit the question closely. The driver example is useful, but explain how accepting low income can help the driver make a calm plan, rather than only showing anger at home.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: opening, one view, the other view, your view, and ending. Keep this plan, but make the topic sentence of each main paragraph closer to the exact question.
coherence and cohesion
Some ideas do not flow well. For example, the move from accepting hard times to jealousy is not clear. Explain each cause and result in a simple order.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. Words such as 'Moreover' and 'Furthermore' are used often, but the next idea is sometimes not a direct added point. Use simple links like 'For this reason', 'However', and 'As a result' only when they show the real link.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid very long sentences with many actions. Break them into two or three short sentences so the reader can follow your meaning more easily.
coherence and cohesion
The ending repeats your view well. Make it stronger by using the same key idea as your main view: accept the present state calmly, but take practical steps to change it.
task response
You answer all parts of the question: you present both views and clearly state your own view.
task response
Your view is balanced. You show that acceptance can lower worry, while hard work can lead to a better life.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is divided into clear paragraphs, and the reader can see where each view begins.
coherence and cohesion
The opening and ending both address the main subject, which gives the essay a clear frame.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • adversity
  • resilience
  • stoicism
  • contentment
  • cope
  • adapt
  • endure
  • persevere
  • settle
  • ambition
  • tenacious
  • determined
  • resourceful
  • optimistic
  • self-improvement
  • proactive
  • initiative
  • transform
  • overcome
  • confront
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